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A page in the diary "A Day in the Life Of..."
Written by babz 3. May 2008 10:20 PM

I find in times of ok-ness or relative stability that I start wishing I wasn't getting better - in fact I almost want to be worse again. Perhaps it is the drama of Ambulances, Police, Emergency Departments/Intensive Care and psych hospitals that I find appealing, perhaps I have gotten used to it and it is really all I know in my adult life. Either way it is so scary that I find myself wishing I was that sick again. It is even scarier that I have really intense urges to do things to put myself back there. Sometimes I even give in to them.

Does anyone else find this?

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Comments from the community:

Babz

yes i do .. i want to stop taking my meds to make me go back to the madness...

so I understand what you are feeling... it drives me crazy... i am not sure i can cope with the stability...

wow... hard times.. and even though i am still high for depression... it doesn't feel quite so bad either...

keep going babz... let the feeling of stability keep with you..

thanks for the post... coping is coping... i agree

takes care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 3. May 2008 10:58 PM

Hi babz
I find that when i'm feeling good i don't understand how i could possible be suffering depression, my life does'nt feel real, it's hard to make sense of it all.
I hope one day you don't feel that need to be sick with depression and you will let yourself get better.
Take care.

B1

Written by bananas, 4. May 2008 03:26 AM

No. But I do feel like an imposter when I am doing alright and wonder who the hell I really am.

Written by maple, 4. May 2008 04:30 PM

Babz

I am just wondering when I am going to feel well - after the court case hopefully when I can get some closure and open another door and do something with my life.

Thanks Babz for getting us to think about wellness.

Go Babz!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 4. May 2008 05:29 PM

No Babz, I don't feel like that but on the rare occasion when I feel a bit happyish, I just wonder what bad thing is going to happen next and make me sad again.
That's pretty pessimistic isn't it? But that's just me.
Best wishes to you.
Cheyne

Written by hippiechick, 4. May 2008 10:43 PM