DBT, X-Ray, getting old
A page in the diary "A Day in the Life Of..."
Written by babz 31. Mar 2008 05:35 PM
Had DBT today. Didn't really say much to the psychologist again this week, but did tell him about how I'm scared of him. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. He seemed to be quite... ummm... almost upset that I was scared of him. Managed to hold back crying until I got out into the carpark. I really don't like my DBT one on one sessions.
Thursday last week at skating I took a nasty/awkward fall and landed with all my weight on my right arm in a strange position. It was really sore but I could move my fingers so I thought I'd be right. The last few days it has gotten steadily more painful and my fingers are getting quite numb. Thought I should probably get it checked out as it is now keeping me awake at night, so I am going to have an X-ray tonight. The last thing I need now is an injury, god. Wish me luck.
It is my 21st on Wednesday, I'm not feeling particularly excited. My good friend Andy's grandfather died on the weekend, so I am going to his funeral on Wednesday. This is the first relative of Andy's that has died, so I want to be there to support him/his family.
I feel terrible, because of the things I thought when I found out about his grandfather dieing. I got angry because I thought how unfair it was that Andy is 22 and this is the first relative that he has lost. I have already buried three grandparents, my dad and my aunt all by the age of 20. And then I got even more upset because I thought of how much more family he has to lose than me - he has like 20 cousins on one side of the family alone, and all my family is dead but my grandma, mum and brother. Then I got even more angry because of how disgustingly horrible I was being. I couldn't believe that I was angry that he hadn't had to bury his family. I still feel horrible about that, but I do know that I didn't mean it, it was just anger that stems from my own loss.
I got my full licence in the mail today. I stared at it in shock that in less than 2 days I'm old enough to have a full licence. When I got my probationary licence I hadn't gotten sick yet, and I wonder what I have to show for the three years since then. Hospital, suicide attempts, more hospital, stitches 17 times, hospital again, no skating because of knee injury, a bit more hospital, only completed 2 uni subjects, still more hospital. I have nothing to show for the last three years, and it's kind of sad.