Comprehending the incomprehensible
A page in the diary "A Day in the Life Of..."
Written by babz 21. Jul 2008 05:44 PM
Last week I got my uni results from last semester. All things considered, I did really well, it is the first time I've actually gotten uni results and felt some degree of satisfaction. I even gave a quiet 'woohoo'. Second semester started today, which has been a source of great anxiety. The reason for this is that I have changed my major as well as my direction, and I have doubts over whether or not this new direction is suitable. All in all today was alright - long and draining, but interesting. I stopped in after uni to see a family friend who was my 'psychologist' when I was in primary school. She gave me a lot of encouragement about my new direction with my studies, and she has said that along with my psychologist she'll support me to stay in my studies as she believes it's what I need to do.
I'm having a bumpy ride at the moment, Friday was particularly bad. I am struggling to understand so many things in my world at the moment, and I'm beginning to think that might be half of my problem. I try and comprehend what is incomprehensible, looking for answers where there are none. Friday night I did some reckless things, I was determined to end all of it, but I'm still here despite my efforts, so I suppose that's something. My emotions seem to be f****d up by so many things - surgery, painkillers, hormones, too much sport - I'm finding it increasingly difficult to know when an emotion is real or trustworthy. They change so often that half the time I've got no idea what the hell is going on with me. It will be interesting to see how I cope the next few weeks as my DBT psychologist is on leave so I don't have anywhere to vent. Oh well, I'll get through, not sure how, but I always seem to somehow.