I am tired of fighting
A page in the diary ""
Written by keller 3. Mar 2008 02:13 PM
Things are still up and down. Hubby has had flu all weekend and today so It’s not a very lively household here. God he is like a bear with a sore head!
As for me I am flipping in and out of poor thoughts and confident ones.
My psychologist sent me an email saying that being sad was OK, just be with the sadness and move through it. It is hard to do this, I am a bit of an action woman and I keep trying to fix everything rather than accept it. I just need to accept things and not always fight the battle.
I am tired of fighting and when this defeat comes into my mind it is not good. I see I can’t fix it and I can accept it there are no real options are there?
Seems I am trying to change my personality and my coping mechanisms and I just keep coming back up against it.
Talking with hubby, talking with friends, having support of a great care team, it’s not enough, nothing will ever be enough.
It’s about my own expectations I know that, shift the expectations, accept the situation for what it is and move forward. Sounds such a simple plan doesn’t it. But its not, I don’t think I can change.
Life is this way, like it or leave it and right now I am thinking of leaving it. Yes it’s just thinking and I have reported these thoughts to my psychologist and my DBT group and I am doing what I can to live this life, to have a life worth living, but inside I am a mess, a real mess.
This afternoon I need to concentrate on the kids, that’s what pulls me through to tomorrow, and then I will see how I travel. One step at a time.
Event + sadness + acceptance + screwed emotions + screwed coping style = ME.