This is how life is
A page in the diary ""
Written by keller 29. Feb 2008 02:09 PM
Right now I am a defeated mess and why when I am down do I get another kick in the guts (figuratively)? I have discovered today that I need some more surgery, this time my left ankle and foot it never ends does it, I had a good run there for five months a really good run. I told hubby about it when we met to go down to school softball today, normally I would have held it all back until I received all the info, almost just as I was organizing a date for surgery, but this time I told him upfront he of course was supportive and then quiet and he asked me how I felt about it, first I shrugged it off then I told him I think I am really angry that these things are happening (again) but I am not angry like I have been not fuming and intolerant, its more just it isn’t fair sort of thing so it is sadness and fear more than anger,
You know I wonder why I am not recovering, because I feel like I have been “ill” for so long, and I have worked it out.
I won’t ever recover.
This is how life is and yes I need to change expectations in order to live this life, if this is what I want. I want to cry and let go I'm really tired of it all of this but I don’t cry, can’t (won’t?)
Liz