coming back (again)
A page in the diary ""
Written by keller 21. Feb 2008 05:47 PM
In the last 10 days or so it has been quite difficult for me and now I realize from today (DBT group) perhaps why that has been happening. I have been physically unwell with bronchitis and I needed to slow down and rest and as this was all happening I started to feel quite low in my mood. I had pretty much just stopped everything and I think it was getting to the point where I did not want to do anything and not near all of this was related to the physical symptoms. I was in fact using the physical stuff as an excuse for my inactivity but it was a change in mood that was occurring either simultaneously or after the physical stuff.
I did all the usual withdrawing, stopped filling in my diary cards for DBT group that may have helped me pinpoint what was happening and started having suicidal thinking. I was really fearful that I was heading down hill.
I realize the group work has been fueling some of my thinking and issues of childhood and emotions have been hot topics over the last three weeks. I am fearful of experiencing the emotional content that is in these topics and as I have not learned many new skills (as yet) it has been quite anxiety provoking.
Anyway I spilled some of this, if not all, to one of the facilitators and worked through an exercise that assisted me in working out I needed to get back to my daily planning so I am doing that. I also have the need to get back in touch with 2 doctors following on some medical stuff (I have been avoiding) so will do that tomorrow.
I am getting a toolbox of what to do when these thoughts and feelings come up but I am not reaching out I am still sheltering away and its catching myself, which the emotional monitoring should do, and implementing a plan or other things to help get though what ever is happening.
I am also learning a lot about judgments that I make (things I believe to be true but may not be so).
I am feeling better tonight than I was this morning (significantly) and I am planning to do my plan to start from Monday. Hubby is home tomorrow and we have a busy weekend scheduled so the distraction should be good. I have appointments with my psychologist and Psychiatirst next week. Hubby is aware, to some extent, that things have been a little harder over the last week or so, so his awareness is OK and hence I think my safety is OK.
Any way
thats me
Liz