Funeral for a friend..life goes on
A page in the diary ""
Written by keller 18. Jan 2008 02:47 PM
This week I have been tested to my limits in my recovery phase
Monday
session with the psychologist.. we made some plans and goals and we talked about my withdrawing behaviour. Very hard place to go to and I agreed that I would attempt to connect emotionally whit my partner
(I walked out of this session to my two boys who were of course ramped up and high on life as we were going tohave the rest of the day in darling harbour
Tuesday
My friend dies, he was the same age as me, his kids played with our kids...devestating.... I am saddened.
Wednesday
A day at home with boys and friends, tring to work out how i feel in the company of four boys 12, 12, 9, 10...is a hard gig
Jumped onto depnet and had some great chats with friends
Thursday
Had my first session at a DBT group.
Hard work. Really hard, not only do i need to get orientates (I am bklind) but we are coming across all my issues in the oening session, by the end of the day I am drained and need to get home and chill.
I jump on depnet looking for support and am thrilled when 2 of my favourite people are on, but it all turns to crap. There has been an "incident" and one of them is banned. And there is a discussion with the moderator on chat..I do my best to support my friend in this interchange but no...it has progressed to far, their are allegations flying all over the place, my friend is ill and pushed over her limits.I am saddened and feel like i may drop a tear, I do one or two tears fall
I leave depnet gutted, exhausted and distressed. But, my friend has this magnified.
I go to bed at 8pm and sleep for 13 hours.
Friday
Funeral.
A 12 year old boystands alone
A mother
Overflowing chapel.
Tears
More tears
Hugs with the mum and son
For the first time in my life
I cry openly
I have fat tears going down my face
Stinging eyes
Stuffy nose
A 12 year old boy loses his dad
My sons loose a signifficant adult figure in thier lives
My husband looses a mate
I loose a friend
I gain a widow as a friend
All this rubbish and backstabbing and muck flinging is too much.
I lost two friends this week and I cried.
It really makes everything and every one a little less signifficant.
I am scared that I cried
Live for today because tomorrow may never ever come. Do the best that can do and love where you can and provide forgiveness where you can.
Liz