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Sweetheart, I here your pain and guilt. I have the same feelings passing through me right now. I have just lost a special friend to cancer, I'm feeling guilty that she wanted to live and I fight to live every day. She had no choice but I do. I dont really have any comfort words to take your feelings away, just know that I understand what you are going through.

Love, care and support always
Amanda xxxx

Written by Deleted_User, 18. Jul 2008 05:24 PM

Dear Liz

That black pit is dark, but look up. There you will see the sky and if you looked right now, as I write, you would see the full moon resplendent in the twilight sky. Its silvery brilliance is a beacon of hope to you. And there are many hands reaching down to help you out of that awful pit.

Peter

Written by surfer, 18. Jul 2008 05:47 PM

Liz, I have felt the same struggle as you, in fact I am feeling it right now. Once when I was in ICU after a suicide attempt, the same cruel irony struck me. I was there in my bed wishing that I would just slip away into nothingness, while there were so many around me who were dieing that wished with all they had to live. It is so cruel, so unfair. I guess we just have to hang on with whatever we can muster so we too get to the point where we can fight to live. xo

Written by babz, 18. Jul 2008 06:46 PM

Oh liz

All I hear is someone beautiful screaming out for help. The help is there all you need to do is accept the help that is being offered.

The night is darkest just before dawn and I feel that is where you are now as Peter has said look up and see the sky it is always there and always waiting to help you lift out of where you are.

Bassman

Written by Bassman, 18. Jul 2008 07:42 PM

You are there for your Sister and that is all which is required.
Love.

Written by maple, 18. Jul 2008 08:05 PM

Hi Liz

I identify very strongly in regard to your current situation and the feelings you are experiencing.

It was ten years ago yesterday that my sister succumbed to respiritory failure following an asthma attack. Only the day before the attack I had been talking to my doctor about how much my sister wanted to live and how little I wanted to.

Her life situation at the time was such that I found it difficult to understand why she wanted to go on and why she fought so hard. The next time I saw her, the following morning, they were intubating her in an attempt to save her life. She fought so hard to survive and I still have a problem grasping why anyone would want to fight for life.

I'm now raising her grandchild and he calls me Nan as I am the closest he has to one. I suppose that the reason I am still here is that he needs me.

Just be there for your sister. Hold her hand. Stroke her face. Give her as much love as you can. This could be your last chance to do so. I hope that she comes through, but there are no guarantees in this life as you know.

Be kind to yourself

Jenny

Written by jennytmaher, 18. Jul 2008 08:25 PM

Take a seat in the sun just for a short time just think of nothing refresh yourself. TC

Written by grannie, 19. Jul 2008 01:30 AM

Liz,

I shall be at the bottom of the pit to greet you and I'll have a torch to shine a light for you and I'll take your hand and hopefully guide you from the depths of hell.

Guilt is such a wasted emotion... not one you should waste your time exploring. I think we all feel guilty about not wanting to go on when other people are struggling in this world to go on.

We have depression yes, that much we know. To feel guilty for feeling like not wanting to go on is also a wasted emotion. Concentrate your emotions on what you know is true... your boys love you and they need you. Being a Mum is the greatest honour life can bestow upon us and even though it is a heavy cross we bear, we must continue to go on because we chose to become the most important person on earth... a mother to our children.

I hope this will sustain you, but I understand your sadness at the same time.

Please look after yourself Liz and I promise I'll be here for you again now that I am stronger again.

Love you,

Karen xxx

Written by fly, 19. Jul 2008 11:05 PM