Read diary

Comments from the community:

Liz

you are indeed facing a life challenge... reasons to live are needed everyday to exist... you keep questioning that is ok... because when you find no reason to keep living then you are in trouble...

you are right to change the name to care team... there is some degree of recovery... in some of the psychological ... so look at that side of things... you are still an inspiration... take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 1. Jul 2008 05:15 PM

Thank you for your entry in my diary.I understand the battle you face each day So the psychs are sending you off to more medics it is tho one becomes losing their idenity and just become a mass of body parts to learn from.My email is creek55au@yahoo. com .au. if you email me we can make contact ok.Please take some time for you as I worry about you ok.TC

Written by grannie, 1. Jul 2008 05:22 PM

I'm not sure where you're up to in your DBT, but I think you need to do some serious myth busting. Not sure how you're taught, but our group leader explained that there's three ways to challenge myths: devil's advocate, cheerleading and challenging with facts. Devil's advocate basically means taking the myth and taking it to the extreme to the point that it makes the myth seem silly. Like if I think to myself "I can never do anything right" devil's advocate would be "yes, I can never do anything right. Everything I have done, am doing and ever will do is completely and utterly wrong". Cheerleading is pretty much what it sounds like - cheering yourself on. So the same myth challenged with cheerleading would be "so, I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes and its ok to be human". Challenging with facts is pretty much what it sounds like - "it is not realistically possible for everything you do in your life to be wrong". You've probably heard of these challenges to myths, but I know that it can help to have someone point it out to you again when you really need them.

I think I can empathise with the "people overload" thing you are going through at the moment, I had it a few years ago. I don't think your psychiatrist is expecting you to do them all right now, more that they are suggestions for you to consider in your long term plan. Even if he did want you to do them right now, there is no harm in taking a break to rejuvenate and then tackling his suggestions.

You're strong Liz, really, really strong and you will get through this, one way or another. xo

Written by babz, 1. Jul 2008 05:36 PM

It's highly likely in your present emotional state that you are not seeing things clearly. There is purpose in your life. You are tired and you need to get over that so that you can see your situation more clearly.

You can overcome. You've been given a far greater challenge than some people could tolerate. Some people have higher mountains to climb.

Compare my situation. I'm almost 61, I am no longer married and never catch my daughter at home. She's independent of me and I would have it no other way. I rely on my faith for the hope that there is a purpose. You have tangible living proof of purpose.

Written by TerryN, 1. Jul 2008 05:49 PM

I know exactly what you are going through so i feel your pain. Many a time ive questioned my reasons to continue living, but just as the darkness falls at night there will be light again tomorrow. So hang in there things may seem a little brighter the next day. Its not always the situation that is so bad but how we perceive it.
As a mother your childrens needs always come first. Children have an uncanny way of blaming themselves for situations that have nothing to do with them, its them that will carry the grief for the rest of there life so try to be strong for them. Think of all the things you'll miss out on with them as they grow, seeing your grandchildren etc.
Its good your getting help it takes a lot of courage to do that.

Written by hellhole, 1. Jul 2008 09:00 PM

Hi,

I can understand why your psych wants you to start being more involved with people, it a great re-assurance to have a strong support network.

However I think you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to do it all. Just one day at a time and one task at a time. Sometimes it can just be all overwhelming but you just need some prespective.

You can always improve, especially when you have experienced the worst, the only way is up. Having support is essential but more importantly you need your own support.

You are a good firend, wife, mother, person. Just repeat these truths until you believe it! Not until then will your heart allow you to move on and upwards :)

Bluewave
xxoo

Written by bluewave, 1. Jul 2008 09:14 PM

I know it's hard, and it's exhausting. I also know there's not much I can say that will make you feel better; though I wish there were.
In the short time I've been here you have been very good to me, always so supportive and helpful. I am more grateful than you know.
I think that you are such a strong person to get through all that you have, even though you may not feel it at the moment. Just hang in there- I know if anyone deserves better times it's you.
I want to thank you again for all your help and support, and hope that I can offer you the same.

Written by vivica, 1. Jul 2008 09:18 PM

Hi Liz
Yes, we fight everyday to survive. As it happened I had my visit to my psychiatrist this morning. I puzzled him with my talk of a "respectable" suicide method. Your psych is right. Take those beautiful boys of yours in your arms (I hope they are not too "old" for that). Draw from them their youthful spirit to give you strength. I read your diary about walking on Bondi Beach. I was on the beach here with Princess Marni and we looked for sand "monsters" which would burrow through the sand and chase Marni's little toes. She thought it great fun and she was always too quick for my finger "monsters". Dear Liz, in our battles we are not alone, as much as it may seem so. We may not always recognize who or what it is that is with us. You say you do not know a way to leave your family in a way that does not affect them. Well, just this morning my psychiatrist reminded me there is no such way. There is no "respectable" suicide method; not in the mind of your beautiful boys and loving husband.
Peter

Written by surfer, 2. Jul 2008 06:47 PM

hi Liz

I have to agree with all the comments and say that we all battle everyday just to survive. It is never easy and some days are a lot harder than others.

If you follow this link and then go down to the bottom of the page you will find to trackI have recorded recently one is very much tongue in check and was really good fun recording. Track number to is an operatic aria from the Marriage of Figaro by Mozart which I sing in Italian.

I hope that they bring as much joy to you as they did to me recording them

Hang in there the fight is worth every small battle we win

your friend

Bassman

Written by Bassman, 6. Jul 2008 04:43 PM

Sorry forgot to paste the link here it is

http://www.facebook.com/pages/edit/?id=9818658593#/pages/Songbirdy-The-Bassman/9818658593
you may need to copy the link into your browser to get it to work
Bassman

Written by Bassman, 6. Jul 2008 04:44 PM