So on the whole and on balance today was probably OK
A page in the diary ""
Written by keller 22. Jun 2008 07:17 PM
Today has been challenging again but glad to be through it and on the other side. My sons 10th Birthday party last night with a few friends sleeping over and today at the park with about a dozen more, all active boys!
It was just hard. I felt like hubby had to be told to do things rather than him working it out and this made me exhausted constantly trying to work out what and when it needed doing. I tried to calm myself on several occasions but it was hard. The cold wind played havoc with my ear and head and I was frankly just exhausted from thinking and doing. I tried to be mindful and did manage to get into this space a few times and it did help. For those of you with DBT speak I also used opposite to emotion on one occasion (for the first time) and it worked beautifully for me. I was quite happy about this.
Still having daily chats with the psychologist but they are getting shorter now so that is good.
I think my son had a great time, I saw many of my friends (parents of other kids) and that was nice and we came back to our house for coffee and cake and I really enjoyed that.
So on the whole and on balance today was probably OK, I am exhausted and that is OK because I was with a tribe of kids, outdoors, cold and windy. I had some expectations about the party and I am glad to say they were met, all kids watered fed and exhausted and had a great time.
So in just rereading this post I notice it is a little less anxious, rushed and gloomy. Maybe that is a good thing, maybe it is showing progress.
Just some thoughts to finish off about happiness…I have been researching:
The Dalai Lama says "the purpose of life is to pursue happiness".
Matthieu Ricard, buddhist monk from the Shechen Monastery in Nepal says "Genuine happiness is being in a deep sense of fulfillment that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind; a way of being that pervades all emotional states, and gives us the inner resources to deal with whatever comes our way".
These are my guides on the path I am taking. On my good days I tread smoothly and silently, but on my worst days the path is rocky and a struggle.
I hope that as we all grow through this experience of depression we find happiness and that the road we travel is smooth.
Lots of love and thanks for the support you are giving me.
Liz
XXX