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Liz

Just an observation.. if you are developing new coping styles and you feel like a woos ... does this mean the new styles are maladaptive or there is a change in your personality that is affecting the way you feel about the new styles... you said victim... i wonder if you were to define your vision of a victim if you would fit the profile...

You keep trying ... you do not give up completely... you investigate ... this doesn't sound like a victim...

even this break is an act of trying to assimilate the new information in your life...

take care

glad to know you are not stopping meds immediately

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 17. Jun 2008 02:20 PM

Hi Liz

Nice to hear from you again, as always. I am glad you are taking your medication and having a break from all the intrusions. Just give yourself some time to think your own thoughts and talk more with your husband and family and seek support from them in the interim.

Be extra kind to yourself - make a nice pot of tea and just sit quietly or if it works for you, keep busy with the household chores (i know that's a good distraction for me somedays).

You are not a victim - you are a survivor, a strong, intelligent, kind, wise lady, who has a great deal of empathy and knowledge to share.

Wishing you well
Dolly xx

Written by Deleted_User, 17. Jun 2008 02:53 PM

You wrote yesterday...

"So it is now time for me to take back the reins, to regain a life or decide that life is not worthwhile without people in my head all the time, trying to help me....you haven’t helped!

This is not about acceptance.

So I hope if you are reading this you look beyond acceptance issues. I just want to feel OK. I can be blind and half deaf and feel OK cant I? I must be able to. I am not looking to go back or be what I was, what ever that was. I just want to still my head, the never ending "advice" I get."

Sorry to tell you hun, but it IS about acceptance.


The first step you must take in order to change something, is to accept things as they are. You DONT have to like them or agree with them, but you DO have to accept them, simply coz the just ARE.

Once you've accepted them, THEN you can take the steps needed to change the bits you dont like or want!


Now, please excuse me here, coz I may be waaaaaaaaaaay off the mark, but it seems to me you've been filled with anger for such a long time (and rightly so too.)

Why didnt you just curl up in a ball and die?
Why didnt you throw in the towel years ago?
Why didnt you just give up?

Coz it was your anger feeding you, anger at the hand you've been dealt, anger at your illness and ailments, anger at your limitations, anger at the unanswered questions and mysteries of life.....

but over the past..... few months maybe? You've been moving to a new level of awareness, perhaps on a conscious level, perhaps on a subconscious level...

And your anger has slowly been draining away.....

Your anger was almost like your life force, filling you up and sustaining you through whatever came your way. But as the anger has slowly drained away, so has the power and strength it gave you to sustain you. I can almost picture it draining out of you Liz, and as it drains your kinda deflating and getting smaller (which isnt so good coz now Im actually picturing a flippy floppy scarecrow! lol)

My point is, the anger that previously sustained you needs to be replaced with something, else your just gonna be flippy floppy forever lol.

But what to replace it with?

Well, I think your anger started to go away when you begun to accept your situation, Like sure it sux that your half blind but its just the way it is and you cant change it so you might as well accept it (soooo not meaning to be condescending, please bare with me hun xxx)

So that means you should replace the void left from the disappearing anger with..... "acceptance"?????

Thats almost like laying down and giving up!

And you sure aint no quitter Liz.


I guess thats why you've cancelled all your appointments. Your at a major cross roads in your life and you need to take a step back and just sit with everything a while and work out what it is you want to do next, where you want to go.

You talk about feeling like you need to be rescued... yet you cancelled all your appointments from the people who perhaps COULD rescue you.....

I think you just want to take control of your life again rather than having everyone else dictate to you all the time.

so what if your half blind, its your life and your gonna live it the way you see best .... think best???? feel best?????? oh frig, you know what I mean!

Dunno if this has helped or hindered..... either way -

love you heaps
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwa
xxx

Written by Gyps, 18. Jun 2008 02:37 PM