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STOPPING

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Written by keller 16. Jun 2008 02:18 PM

I have decided to stop. By this I mean stop all the interventions. I have cancelled my psychologists appointment, I have cancelled the ENT surgeons appointment, I have cancelled the psychiatrists appointment, I have cancelled my GP appointment and I have told the DBT group I am not coming in.

I will maintain my medication regime but that is all.

For the last four/five years I have had at least two hospital admissions and or surgeries a year, have spent over 60,000 on medical expenses, have had at least weekly medical appointments (both physical and mental health related). Have explained my self to Doctors, counselors psychologists mental health nurses hospital staff etc etc over and over and over again. To meet me with false tea and sympathy for the five minutes they deal with me.

I AM OVER IT ALL.

WHAT HAVE I GOT FROM ALL THIS

Blindness
Deafness in one ear
A bung knee and foot
Gained weight
Loss stamina and strength
Major depressive episodes
Suicide attempts
Anxiety which I have never had
Lost my way
Loss of confidence

So it is now time for me to take back the reins, to regain a life or decide that life is not worthwhile without people in my head all the time, trying to help me....you haven’t helped!

This is not about acceptance.

So I hope if you are reading this you look beyond acceptance issues. I just want to feel OK. I can be blind and half deaf and feel OK cant I? I must be able to. I am not looking to go back or be what I was, what ever that was. I just want to still my head, the never ending "advice" I get.

Think this way
Don’t think about that
Take this pill
See me in two weeks
See me next week
That will be $192 thank you
It must be so difficult
What can you see?
How do the children manage?
Let me look here
It won’t hurt
Feel your sadness Liz
Yes I am sorry he is running very late
Can you come in and see me
Maybe its time to go the hospital
I am not sure if this surgery will work
Just relax
Take a few deep breaths
How will you get home?
Hold your head steady
I can’t say really, time will tell
It’s not an exacting science, psychiatry and psychology
Liz it’s your turn to share
What skills have you used?
We know it’s hard
I know it must be hard
It can’t be easy

Give me some space in my own head

So I am stopping.

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Comments from the community:

Dear Liz

Good for you! I cheered loudly when I read your entry -of course you can be ok with a visual impairment and deafness in one ear! You have the courage and confidence to do anything you want to.

How bloody frustrating to go thru all the crap you have been through to still end up either in the same place you were five years ago or as you say perhaps worse off because now you are anxious.

My wish for you is peace, wellness and joy. I think of you everyday Liz. You're terrific!

Much love
Dolly xx

Written by Deleted_User, 16. Jun 2008 03:10 PM

Liz,

I agree with you, all the appointments and the expenses, which there are alot of, seem to be pointless sometimes. But PLEASE if you need to take a break from these, just make certain that you are safe from yourself. I think we all get tired of appointments from time to time. Just think, does it make a differnce to your life. I think it does and you know why. Us people who fight the hardest will always get through. Basically what I have been told by others here.

Hang in there, (((((liz))))))

Lynda

Written by lynda, 16. Jun 2008 03:33 PM

They have helped....you got this far! A break is a great idea, I know you are sensible enough to ensure you maintain those things which must be...

Written by maple, 16. Jun 2008 05:04 PM

KELLER sweety I an understand your feelings, drs, psychs dbt and all with different opinions.But please stay on your meds. I tryed stopping everything and that really made a mess of me.I think you need some you time, doing something special for you it doesnt have to cost much, when I feel like you are right now I break the rules and go and buy myself the richest creamyest choc cake, it blows my sugar but does pick my spirit up.Im not going to say it will all be right but I pray that each day gets a little easier to live and not give up.You should hold your head high you are a special lady.TC

Written by grannie, 16. Jun 2008 06:34 PM

Liz

Grannie talks sense... no meds can be lethal when for so long your body has relied on them.. if you come off them... do it slowly...

You have the courage to say what I want to say... No More... I meet with my pdoc and counsellor and support team and think "what do i say to you today" ... I do not know what to say or do... I talked of numb... my mind refuses to work... I can't get excited or worried about anything...

You are angry... and I understand why... your life is not your own... the appointments are a part of our lives as we hobble from one to another... getting back some control is so important... maybe there is a less drastic way... but it is your life and you make the decisions... i bet none of the health professionals questioned you about your cancellations...

You are five minutes they can give to someone else... as you disappear into oblivion...

The ENT might not be a good one to cancel... you do have an ongoing ear problem....

You will not disappear from Depnet without a scream... hope you keep posting here...

take care... stop the meds slowly

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 16. Jun 2008 10:14 PM

Hey Liz,

I understand...and I know that you are wise enough to stay on your meds in the meantime.

You will be ok. Do what you need to do...and if you want to go back and use any of those services they will all still be there.

You are ok Liz and you will be ok.

Sending you love, belief in the person that you are, and friendship.

Kimberly
xoxo

Written by newlife, 17. Jun 2008 12:30 AM

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