24hr spiral. Where are all the good men and people??
A page in the diary ""
Written by itsonlyme 22. May 2008 04:24 AM
Since my last entry my life has turned to compost again.??? chain re-action??...I found out at 7pm tonight that my partner of 7 yrs has been seeing some one else for 2 weeks now because I dont give him what he needs. And he is sleeping soundly?
What I felt can't be worded, as I thought all was good. I became withdrawn and dispondant, like an out of body experience - my limbs became so heavy to the point that I could not lift them, nor my eyes. He wanted me to yell, but I couldn't. I put the girls to bed like a zombie and sat outside for 2 hrs to feel the cold, to feel something, a survival mechanism, that I realised while sitting there, I needed the cold to give me something because normally I am very compassionate and caring emotional person and I felt nothing, absolute numbness. And sitting in the darkness looking at the stars and plants around me, the comment then popped in my head - my daughter said to me before she went to bed " mum your eyes are so green, are you ok, I love you". They say eyes are windows to the soul, my eyes when I cry turn almost fleurecent emerald green they always have. My question is why do men like to take the piss from me, I give my all, I work very hard, I study, I look after my children and love them heaps, I have a nice home, I am ocd, so my house is very clean, I really love to kiss and I love to make love - love to ride motor bikes and go camping..I think I am normal..but I cant seem to have a good relationship..my xx's hang on, but its too little too late, is this normal???