Lights out for me.. monsters under the bed..its time
A page in the diary ""
Written by itsonlyme 12. Dec 2007 12:07 AM
Thank you kindly to all for your comments in my last entry. Since then, I have sought help, and I feel a little better.
The overseas trip was agony, I dosed myself to get their and arrived only to faint on the road and almost get hit by a car.And then did not eat for day's. yep, it was really special.
I Have decided to leave my partner and sell all, divided equally too. I don't want any problems with that crap, even though he does not deserve it.
He has been telling me " I love you lets get counselling together, lets go on a holiday, lets do this, do that blah blah blah. But I believe in karma. My believe is that you can't treat a person like that and get away with it. I am not being a stereo typical partner when I say, he has done some horrible things to me. Just lately he broke all of my perfume, yep about $1500 worth..smashed it all. Oh and my fav posession, that can't be replaced, ever. But in the same breathe he is telling me that he loves me, and lawyers don't need to be involved...difficult...I honestly can't be bothered with it all. Its not me. I do love him but its time to move on.
Another but..I feel like my eyes have opened. I may not have money to burn anymore but I feel free and happier inside myself. I am abit scared though, not for myself, only for my girls.
Work is good, and supportive.
Another but... despite my positve efforts I did have another grand episode with my (perfect) sister last week. I made a comment that I have thoughts about killing myself, and she took that and used it. Made me feel like a crazy person, a looser, a wierdo. In front of the family. But you know what I did, I told her in front of everyone not to make me the route of her backward asshole narrow minded conversation and then too grow up..and that lifes not always perfect for every one..then I walked away. And that was it. She didn't say another word about it. But..yes another fab but.. I dont understand her train of thought..she has never worked a day in her life.
Somebody that I respect highly and knows of my thoughts told me " you are not fighting for yourself, you are fighting for your girls now. .they are you".
They are my sunshine, guardians, comfort and most of all my loves.
Tomorrow might bring something different, but ;
Merry Xmas Deppies xox
Thanks for listening. PS..If you have any suggestions that can help me with separating please let me know, because I am on my own.