i'm comming back
A page in the diary "never thought it would b me."
Written by petemoir 26. Jun 2006 04:26 PM
last week was by far the most disterbing week of my entire life. who would of guessed that i, of all people, should so easily snap. actually the preassure started to build about three months ago when i had to put up with being called a petifile (one of the most vile creatures on this earth) on a regular basis.it's quite a long story but basicly, when i moved into this house back in december, i invited a woman friend (only a friend)of 30yrs, and two young girls who were living and partying at a caravan pk of ill repute. we'll call them amanda(16), and stacie(15), not their real names of course. anyway, we all moved in, amanda and stacie in the master bedroom, fran(we'll call her) in the seccond bedroom and me in the sleepout, it worked well.things wern't all roses, both girls had a bit of a problem with their lives, i tried to help as best i could, i had no training, i wasn't prepared for the stress of being there for them, don't get me wrong, i was there by my own free choice, i would have done anything for them. anyway, i'm mumbling, amanda moved out under sad circumstances in roughly april or may, which left stacie,fran and me. i grew to love stacie as my own daughter, of which i do have one named ratbag(14(she'll laugh at that). to cut it short, last week stacie said some things that i'm shure now she never ment to say, but they cut deep, deeper than i thought anything could ever cut, they were words designed to hurt because she was hurting. i wish i understood that then.shes now gone from my house, but today we talked for the first time since i tried to gas myself. i'm happier since we spoke, but i still cant stop crying. she still loves me. do i still deserve her love??????