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After overcoming so much,I feel like I'm slipping again..HELP!!

A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 25. Oct 2007 04:56 PM

As the flames flicker on the candles beside me,as darkness surrounds me and as the thoughts cloud my mind,I really begin to wonder if I'll ever be completely 'okay'. The past few months I've been doing really well..Its been 15 weeks WITHOUT CUTTING,who would have thought that I could do it...I sure as hell didn't. The past day or two,I've began to doubt myself and my achievements again.
Doubting my ability to cope,my ability to stay above water, and my WANT to stay above water.
For so long the easy option has been to let the darkness take over, to let it win, to give up and to let the urges take over... But I made that decision not to let that happen anymore. I thought I was doing well, but here I am, questioning if I really can fight this and if the last 15 weeks have just been freakishly luck..

What is it that I want from life?
What is it that makes me fight the darkness?
What gives me the strength to go on?

Just wish I knew because I really need some guidance and support right now. I have so much uni work to get done,I'm physically not well,haven't been well for a few weeks now.. Have 2 assessments due next thursday plus have to sit an exam next thursday as well... I suppose all the added stress of health and uni is making me think too much..
I feel like I'm free falling and want to know why!!

I want to get back up and back to where I was.. I loved being in control,knowing where I was headed..I liked walking on the right path...

Just wish I knew how to do it again..

Jo

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Comments from the community:

Jo

What a great achievement - 15 weeks no harming. Wish I could be that strong. If you are slipping it is time to see your therapist for the help you need.

Go Jo!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 25. Oct 2007 05:06 PM

Only you can make those decisions nobody else can. 15 weeks without cutting is great, but you need to figure out what it is and why it is you want to keep going.

What is it that I want from life?
What is it that makes me fight the darkness?
What gives me the strength to go on?

You make you fight the darkness and you give yourself the strength to go on but only you know what it is you want in life.

Hope you figure it all out soon, cos being in the dark isn't all that fun.

Written by Deleted_User, 25. Oct 2007 05:20 PM

Sweetie you need to talk to your GP/therapist for some guidance, but for the support side of things we can help you there.

Just know that your not alone. You have already accomplished so much for 15 weeks. Well done hunny. Now you just have to take it one step at a time and you will keep achieving great things.

Best of luck with uni hunny

Love, care and support always
Amanda xxxxxx

Written by Deleted_User, 25. Oct 2007 06:00 PM

Hey Jojo

Firstly it is wonderful that you have been doing so well for the last few months. Try not to let your current fears take away from the fact that you have been doing so well.

Re the way you're starting to feel - well - it's getting to that time of semester now where everything is due....this is the time that I always used to really struggle with. I think we get anxious and the anxious, fearful thoughts whiz through our head so fast that we don't even know they are there...but they cause our feelings and can cause us to feel like we can't cope, and therefore a lack of hope...you know the story.

If you can't get your thoughts back on track try to get some extra help - and maybe some help through the uni with pacing out your assessments to reduce your feelings of being over-faced.

Sending you a big hug Jojo. Try and stay ok, and keep the faith that you will be ok. You've struggled in the past, but you've always survived and gotten through. Whatever you have to deal with in the next couple of months, you will also get through and come out the other side. You will be ok.

Lots of love

Kimberly
xoxo

Written by Wolveress, 26. Oct 2007 12:01 AM

Hello Jo,
Sending you big hugs, you have been doing so well. I am sure you will be able to cope, you will be strong enough to fight your self harming. Good luck for Uni also, and try to stay calm. I am sure you are a much stronger person than you think you are.
Hugs, Melanie xxxx

Written by Deleted_User, 26. Oct 2007 01:14 AM

Such big questions. It's hard to know what one wants, but we do know what we don't want. Keep enough of the bad stuff out so there can be room for the good stuff when it comes along...
All the best babe for your exams.

Written by Deleted_User, 26. Oct 2007 09:23 PM

Hi Jo, not much to say but you have my support.I'm doing
ok atm and i'm sure you will too.Take care of yourself and
keep your chin up :) Stay happy regards bun.

Written by bun, 28. Oct 2007 09:23 PM

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