..I'm my own worse enemy..I'm strong on the surface but...
A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 18. Jul 2007 01:16 AM
I'm falling apart at the seams and I'm powerless to stop it..I can barely make it through the day without breaking down in tears.Today at work,I hid in the toilet for an hour,my supervisor,whom I'm good friends with,sat with me and tried to calm me down.Anxiety attack flared up,chest pains-heart felt like it was guna jump out my chest..Just sobbed and sat there shaking..Tried so hard to get it together,but couldn't..
Eventually got the tears to stop and went to my psychiatrist appointment.Had been waiting 3 months for this appointment..Told her how my GP had put me on Avanza 4-5 wks ago,and that I stopped them on thursday cos of what they were turning me into..She said it was a great decision to stop..and was highly concerned about me and the major downward spiral I am caught in.
So the outcome: Fast tracking back onto the Effexor XR..It worked,although I became so used to it that it stopped having an affect on me...So I have to start at 75mg for 3 days then on to 150mg.Go back and see her in 3 wks,where she will then put me on a mood stabilizer,something like lithium-shes gotta look into interactions in the mean time.. Apparently Effexor works on different things at different doses..On a lower dose,it works mainly on the anxiety..the higher the dose,it works on the mood and the anxiety.. I found previously that when I was on the higher dose,I became zombie like-numb and not 'alive'..So the mood stabilizer is supposed to help that..Look,right about now,I'll do anything..
I just feel so down,so terrible,so sad,so alone..I'm not coping at all,I'm not the strong person everyone believes me to be..I'm weak..I can't fight this right now..
Jo xo