Time doesn't have the answers,they're deep in our souls
A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 19. Jun 2007 10:51 PM
..We are all on a journey to find those answers,but if we get stuck along the way or detour completely off path-we will eventually get there...And knowing that for the first time in my life I have a friend on that journey with me,gives me hope that I will make it..
Despite what many of you may think,I suffer greatly from low self esteem,trust issues (like many of us deppies) and 'behind my brick wall' syndrome (totally made up name there ok)..I have struggled all my life with those 3,never quite letting the wall down for anyone..Then along came this great and wonderful person (well I think so anyways) that made me realise that I am an ok person and I am worthy of friends (still struggle with that sometimes).. It took alot for me to let my walls down but I am so glad that I did..Every time in the past that I have let those walls down(very few times I should add) I have had my feelings and emotions trampled on and treated with no respect,so I have been very weary about who to let in..
By now,I'm sure you have all realised who that person I have let in is and you would be right if you said Stace..She trusted me behind her wall,and I trusted her behind mine.. I would never ever do anything to ruin that..Its the only thing keeping me going..Her friendship,her company and her support as well as that little cheeky monkey daughter of hers,its my life now..and I'm so glad I allowed myself to take that step-cos its the best move I've made in ages...
I still have trouble believing that this is real sometimes,but boy am I glad it is...I still at times feel like I don't deserve her,her friendship and her support;that includes the support of all of you too.But then I look back and realise that this is the real thing,that all those other times don't matter anymore,cos this time I'm not alone...
I'm still struggling a little with the meds change,almost a week now since I started the Avanza..Its makes me heaps tired and I've been eating heaps,but not sure if thats a side effect or me comfort eating..but I'll get there if not,I can be certain of receiving an arse kicking or two..Keep having lil turns similar to those described the other day,but not as extreme...So tired,I'm gunna go to bed now..Or atleast lay here and rest...
take care deppies,
thanks
Jo xo