..I don't like who I am,I want to be a better person.
A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 4. Jun 2007 10:45 PM
This last week has been totally awful..For any person that has had to slowly ween off meds,you would understand what I mean by saying that meds reductions suck big time!
I have sped up the process because I wasn't coping with it at all,I just want it to be over.. Originally,my GP wanted me to reduce by 37.5mg (coming down from 187.5)every 2 wks..but this is a nightmare already,can't handle it for another 3wks..I am now down to 37.5mg,she now wants me to take them every 2nd day til next monday,then go 2 days meds free then begin on 15mg of Avanza..
I have been all over the place over the last week or so..Crashing hard and fast at times,crying uncontrollably and out of the blue..Suicidal thoughts have returned and self harming has been terrible.. I hate what this is making me become,I hate that I am this low..I just want it to be over and done with..
I am willing to do whatever it takes to be a better person,I am working towards happiness but feel that every time I start to get somewhere with this 'journey', I crash and have to start again,like I'm not meant to feel anything other than this.I know its crap but I just feel that way..
This next week is gunna be really hard,up and down from meds,then a new med thrown into the game.. and its Grandma's birthday next tuesday,and for those who have known my history,its not going to be easy.. so expect alot of dummy spits and me crashing,its gunna be just another notch on the depression belt..
just want the demons to leave me alone,the voices to go away for one day,just one day..
take care deppies,
Jo xo