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..The never ending battle,the fight that is my life..

A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 4. Apr 2007 01:03 AM

I don't want to die,but I'm not keen on living either..Not living like this anyway..I'm sick of living in the darkness,but the more I fight my way through,the further I seem to get pulled down..

It won't be happy til its taken full control of me;mind,body and spirit.. So far,all it has my mind..Its being held captive in the dark claws,unable to escape..Its slowing taking over my body..My chest has been so tight all day..Feels like a herd of elephants have run across my chest.. My right arm has been numb for days,the headaches are back..I'm guessing its the blackness taking over that part of me too..

I need to fight it. But I am too weak..I am not the person I used to be.. I hate the 'new' me.. I'm exhausted from the constant fighting with my thoughts-the continual spiral.. the one step forward,two steps back concept..I hate it,I hate me...

Jo xoxo

I am numb.
I am weak.
I am a shadow of my former self.
I am scared.

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Comments from the community:

Hi Jo,

you get your self together missy.... to take the One step back means you had to go forward first.. and that alone is a reason to keep plodding along... if you were in the same spot that would be worse.

You have the ability to change the 'new you' into something you like better... it is all up to you. Start slowly and work your way up there..... you CAN do you just have to have faith in yourself...

If you try to make every day a significant day you are on your way to a happier life. Be confident in who you really are and happiness will follow... you just have to let it in.

Michelle.

Written by mickey2, 4. Apr 2007 01:16 AM

Dear Jo

It's a hard fight that many of us have fought. We know your pain and wish we could take some of it from you. But it is a fight which can be won, one day at a time. We are with you.

Peter

Written by surfer, 4. Apr 2007 08:13 AM

Jo

The numbess you describe in your arm makes the headaches sound like migraines. The tight chest sounds like a panic attack. It is little wonder you are feeling like crap to have to deal with these things and life generally. Honey, one step forward, two steps back is okay. You say you want to live to that is a good thing but not the way you are, another good thing. You need to see the doctor, psychiatrist as it may be time for a medication review to get you feeling more positive/up rather than so down.

Hope this is okay and hasn't made you feel worse as it was not my intention. I am worried about you and want to help you beat this dark demon of depression.

Go Jo!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 4. Apr 2007 11:30 AM

Hi Jo,

Please go out and buy the Book...
The FEELING GOOD Handbook
Written by David.Burns, MD.

It really is a fantastic Book and it has helped me alot in my Recovery of this dreaded Dep. The negative thoughts, the anxiety and panic, the fears, the Low self-Esteem.. the hopeless and helplessness.

Also maybe go see a Pyschologist and do some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, sounds like it may work for you.
Its not nice for you to be living like this everyday Jo and you dont have to. Make a positive Decision lovey, go get the Book and organise for yourself some therapy.

Lotsa hugs to you Jo,

Kind Regards Lori :) xox

Written by Lori, 4. Apr 2007 01:22 PM

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