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Still walking through the darkness,Will I ever find light?

A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 29. Mar 2007 08:47 PM

I'm supposed to be at the end of the journey,an arms length away from finding 'the light'..But instead I find myself deeper in the darkness,held down by the fears and burdens that haunt me..
Everyone thinks that I'm the strong one,that I'm the resilient one..They think that I will beat this,that I won't give up.. But guess what-I have news for you all..I'm weak,I'm most definiently not resilient,I have given up and I fear that I won't beat this..
I have been part of a depression group for the past 6 weeks,a CBT recovery program.At this stage in time,I should have made some improvement,but in true style of my stuff ups,I have fallen flat on my ass,stuck in the dark hole,without any hope of climbing out..

The darkness has chosen me,its decided that this is my path.
I have lost the will to fight on.
I have lost the desire to find happiness..
I forget what its like to be happy,I'm only 22 for Gods sake and I don't remember a time when I was ever truly happy.

I don't know what to do,I don't know where I'm headed.
I just need to find something to hold on to,so that I don't keep falling..

Jo xo

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Comments from the community:

Jo

I know how hard it is to do CBT. I have done it I think 7 times and I always fall off the wagon because I don't practice my skills, let people walk over me, don't stand up for myself. You are no weak because CBT is not working. Some things will stick and will come to use when you need them. I know that for fact. You are a strong woman and you will get through this darkness. Rome wasn't built in a day and depression is a major illness and can't be fixed in a day. It can take months, years to get better. Don't give up hope as I know you are strong enough to get through the dark times and become a bubbly girl.

Go Jo!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 29. Mar 2007 11:00 PM

hun i know what you mean you say your only 22, well guess what im just 17!!!!!!!! and have been stuck in this hole for 3 years. i want to give in and quit the fight but something always brings me back, keep fighting there is light at the end of the tunnel you will find it dont give in never sweet pea. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Written by Deleted_User, 30. Mar 2007 12:33 AM

Hey Jo,
Really want you to know that you can be yourself, and not live up to society's expectations or any one else's. It is YOU that matters.
My 20's were a waste. I know what it feels like to be in the pits for so long, but you will come through. Having confidence to be more self centred is important for survival.
Take care,
Deppie HUGZ,

Bob

Written by chordsinger, 30. Mar 2007 12:57 AM

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