..The mask has failed me..I'm alone in the darkness again.
A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 17. Mar 2007 12:17 AM
This week has been pure torture...
My wounds cry for the grave and my soul cries for deliverance..
I can't fight this anymore..
I have hit an all time low, I'm drowning in the darkness and I can honestly say that I don't feel like I'll be coming up for air anytime soon..
I have self harmed so many times this week that I have lost count.Put it this way,you need more than 2 hands and 2 feet to count them..
Believe me,I don't want to do it.Its not making me feel any better.I am dead inside,I feel nothing but sadness.I am numb all over,except to feel the tears streaming down my face..
I can't sleep,yet my body craves for rest.I lay in bed,rocking and sobbing,praying for a chance to get better..Hoping that the pain will ease..The mental pain is far worse than the physical pain at the moment..
The mask has failed me,yet I have failed myself.I have lost all the strategies I had in place to stop the self harm,to stop this relapse..But I have screwed up big time,and now look at the consequences..I have lost friendships,I have lost my life.. I exist as a body,no longer a person... Just a life form,taking up space and oxygen..
I have failed you all..I am nothing,I am weak.You all thought I was someone that I am not..I am dead..I am just a memory..
Jo xox