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..I'm falling into the darkness,catch me as I fall...

A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 14. Mar 2007 08:00 PM

I thought I was doing well.I thought I was in control,I thought I was making progress,but instead I have hit rock bottom..
The self harm thoughts have taken over..I have given into the urges and feel awful because of that.My emotions are all over the place.I fell apart at work today,just burst into tears for no reason. I ran into the bathroom and tried to hide,tried to get myself composed and 'with it' but I couldn't.Sat in the cubicle for about 15mins until someone realised Iwas missing and came in to find me...So I had to get myself sorted out quick smart..
The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur,I couldn't handle it..I had to keep myself from crying over and over again...One of the ladies (whom I'm close to) came up to me and gave me a big hug and tried to make me feel better..It only made me cry heaps.. She cried with me..
I need to work myself out..I need to get through this...
I don't want to be this way...I want to be able to control this.. I hate this..

I hate being like this...

Jo xoxo

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Comments from the community:

Hi Jo,
Sorry you had a bad day today. Hope tomorrow is a much better day for you. Thinking of you.
Big Hugs, Melanie xox

Written by Deleted_User, 14. Mar 2007 09:18 PM

Jo

Sorry you day was like that and the self harming thoughts have come back. Good that you are working - wasn't sure if you were or not. Nice to know that someone in the office is worried about you enough to give you a hug/cry with you. That is a special bond as it happened to me when I was working.

Please try and think positive thoughts and put the self harming at the back of your mind. I know what it is like to self harm.

Go Jo!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 14. Mar 2007 10:45 PM

My dear Jo

One thing that gives a glimmer of hope in your entry is "I hate feeling like this". Guess what? Thats the start of you helping you!!

Take each day as it comes, each minute, each second. Give yourself permission to feel bad on bad days. BUT put your mind to mending a little by little small baby steps (it worked for me).

You have all my prayers and thoughts during this tough time. Im no psychiatrist but I know how to get on top despite this crap called depression (most times).

Take special care
PhilC

Written by PhilC, 15. Mar 2007 03:45 PM

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