Read diary

I have to rise above this...I can't let it win

A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 29. Oct 2008 05:34 PM

It has been awhile since I last let it all out on here (thank you to my wonderful friends who sit up most nights with me keeping me 'sane' on MSN-you are my Angels-you know who you are)

The last 4 weeks have been a massive roller coaster for me-both emotionally and physically..My health has taken alot out of me..I went into day surgery yesterday for injections to be placed in near my spine in the hope to get the feeling and sensation back into my ankle after my injury in March..Still having mega problems with it.I'm in alot of pain today and barely slept last night-my back is absolutely killing me..Just hope all this pain pays out..
I'm also waiting to go in for another laporscopy and other stuff due to the endometriosis.I've also been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) so the surgery has been placed as urgent and I will back in hospital anytime within the next 5weeks.2 weeks ago, I spent the night in the emergency department due to this-topped up on morphine...And sorry if this is too much info,but I've also had my period for the past 3wks-any female would say that one week is bad enough-try having it for 3!!!

My mental health has obviously suffered greatly due to my health problems.I have been so exhausted,worn out and so flat..I haven't broken my commitment to not self harm..It has been so hard-But I haven't done it now since that slip up last month(and before then it had been 14 months-a damn long time)I'm just lucky that I have a great GP and psychologist who are doing a wonderful job in supporting me and helping me through this...At times I feel like it would be so easy to give in and let the darkness win-but then I know that letting it win won't solve anything.

And having the wonderful Belladonna only 5mins away has been a Godsend..You my dear friend have no idea how much you have helped me lately,You are the light in my darkness...To my mumma bear Lynnie (chookie),not long now til I'll be back up there to party on with you-to welcome the new year together,a new year,a new beginning!You mean so much to me and I can't wait til I see you again-this time I'll be running from the plane to give you a hug (no crutches this time)..To my 'big sis' bananas-thank you so much for all the laughs,the late night chats (except when you fall off your perch lol) and for your constant support..Sammy1987-you've been there for me since I started here on depnet 18months ago;you're one amazing kid!Love ya lots!!!.

And to all my wonderful deppie family,you are a bunch of amazing people!!Love you all greatly!!

Jo xo

« Prev page | Next page »

Comments from the community:

My BJ,
I know you have had a hard time lately - you are such a strong person to be able to put up with all the crap you have had lately. I wish so much that i could snap my fingers or twitch my nose and be with you to help you through. I know Bella will give you the cuddles, laughs and kick up the bum when you need them.
I can't wait until you get here either. I might just have to hide at the airport and jump out at you.The time will go quickly I hope. - will have to start making my baileys and zambucca.
So so very proud of you for not venturing down the road to self harm - i know how hard you have worked on it and pop and i are really proud of you. Remember our deal - i don't smoke and you don't harm.
I just wish i could take all your pain and hurt away but will help you along your way with all my love, laughter and long stretched cuddles.
Can;t wait until December 31st.
Love u to the moon and back and around the corner and up the kuranda range.
Keep strong and be kind to yourself.
Your bush Mumma xoxoxoxox

Written by chookie67, 29. Oct 2008 08:04 PM

wow! sounds like you are going through some sort of hell right now, but by the sounds of it, you are holding yourself together beautufully!
You sound like a very determained person and i beleive you can rise above this and you will NOT let it win!
best of luck with everything!!!!!!!
keep us posted
xxxx
Amy

Written by Awoods, 29. Oct 2008 08:09 PM

Aww Jo *lotsa hugs*

You know exactly how I feel about you and I'm always here for you....no matter what happens...no matter the time or day or how I'm feeling...always here!

You are my rock and I wouldnt be here today if it werent for you constantly kicking me in the butt and keeping me going!

Keep fighting it :)

Love ya lots! xoxoxox

Written by sammy1987, 29. Oct 2008 10:12 PM

Hi Jo,

Hang in there matey, just wait for the pain to subside and watch what you can do then......

I know what chronic pain can do to your state of mental health, i have been there myself, but the cortisone injections do work, but with me they took a little while to start. It was well worth the wait in the end though and i hope it will be for you too.

You sound like you have some magical friends Jo, and they would love you as much as you do them, hang onto them and lean on them all you need....thats what friends are for.
(such a cliche hey !!!.....sorry)

Take care of you Jo,

Luv Nouse

Written by Nouse, 29. Oct 2008 10:21 PM

Hello Jo,
I still think about you often but rarely get to sign into msn these days.
Sorry your health is not good physically or emotionally at present...you have coped very well considering the pain you have had to put up with. I just had a double cortisone injection for Gout yesterday in the joint near the big toe...it sure brought tears to my eyes.
Lots of love & friendship...
Valerie x0x

Written by Deleted_User, 29. Oct 2008 11:13 PM

Hi my little sis,
I will always be there for you in anyway i can be, thanks for the comment of me falling off my perch.
Take care, be strong and i will be there to help you all the way.

(((((((((((((((sis)))))))))))))))

Love always B1

Written by bananas, 30. Oct 2008 07:33 AM

Jo

Chronic pain and mental illness are not a good mix. You have shown you are strong through this by not harming and that is a great achievement given what you are/have been going through.

For the PCOS, has any of the doctors mentioned metformin/diaformin for it. It is also a diabetes medication but it is meant to help you lose the weight from the PCOS. I am on it and it is good for the periods - not painful and short and sweet. Make sure you are not ananemic from the three weeks of bleeding because that can affect your coping mechanisms.

Stay strong and get through this and then join Lynne and her family for another session up north. Just remember it will be hot then.

Go Jo!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 30. Oct 2008 07:41 AM

About depression	Help with depression	Help for relatives	Society	DepNet Community	My Depression