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No prisoner could climb the walls that I've built in my mind

A page in the diary ".a pLc 4 miE haed..."
Written by JoanneC84 1. Jul 2008 01:58 AM

The story's old
The black and white
Have gone to grey
And you were right
Cause I finally lost my way

As many of you may know already,I'm struggling big time with my moods,my thoughts and with being awake in general..I just wish I could sleep all day and leave all the crap outside my mind..

Things at home are driving me nuts..Since coming home from Lynne's things have gone from bad to worse and back again..It has just reaffirmed that I don't belong here...damn I was even told by my own mother that she really didn't miss me whilst I was away..Or during the heated arguement the other day when it was declared that it would've saved us all the hastle if I had just stayed up there...So I shouted back "well atleast I am loved and accepted up there!"

I'm full of anger,regret,sadness and loneliness...I have people around me that care but I still feel alone..Alone within my mind,within my thoughts....I feel empty and cold and unsure...I know I have people supporting me,I feel you with me everyday-I can't quite explain it...I'm sorry..

I have to make it through this week.This sunday marks ONE YEAR since I last self harmed-its a massive achievement for me..I HAVE TO MAKE IT!!!

Tomorrow I get injections put into my ankle-its been 15wks now since I snapped the ligament,and it doesn't seem to be healing..Hopefully this helps-if anything,helps the pain..I know its not helping the depression...I need it to be over!I'm so scared about getting the injections,but thankfully Bella has offered to come with me...You have a heart of gold my dear friend..

Chookie and Bella-My angels...I don't know what I'd do without either of you..This journey would be so much harder without you...Love you both with all my heart..

Take care deppies..Will update more some other time-I'm really exhausted right now...

Jo xo

Hope and pray that you'll never need me,
But rest assured I will not let you down.
I'll walk beside you but you may not see me,
The strongest among you may not wear a crown.

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Comments from the community:

Hi Jo , The feelings you have a normal its part of the depression i live with a family that love me but there are days that i feel lonely and sad regardless of weather they are here or not .Joanne just remember i 'll do what ever i can to help you .take care my dear friend (adopted daughter) now xox lots hugs Bella

Written by belladonna64, 1. Jul 2008 11:36 AM

Jo

There are positives in this entry - time with Chook and Bella and the fact you have sh for 12 months - that is a great achievement that you should be proud of. The fact you have Bella to go with you for your foot.

Go Jo!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 1. Jul 2008 03:45 PM

Hi Jo,
I can fully understand alot of what u have said in this entry.
It does make a huge difference to talk to people on here that understand the way u think and feel, it is so hard to explain to people who haven't been there and thats what makes us feel alone, unfortunately it's all a part of depression.
You have done a fantastic job to make it this far without self harming, you will make it to sunday and beyond, I for one truly believe in you Jo.
You are a very sweet and caring person who deserves so much in this life.
Take care Jo.

(((((((((((((((((((((JO))))))))))))))))))))))

Love B1

Written by bananas, 1. Jul 2008 08:17 PM

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