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love & loneliness

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Written by bluewave 12. May 2008 11:09 PM

Hi all :)

I had a good weekend, I spent the night at my girlfriend's and I cooked pasta for us and her house mates and we had a few drinks and just chilled.

I feel good...sometimes I get very lonely and just want a man to fall asleep with, but i'm only 20 and I know I have a lot of time to 'find love' It's not that I want to find the one, it's not that at all.

It's this stinging loneliness that hurts my heart. A void that alcohol helps to fill and 'random affairs' I no longer use these for to fill the hole so though I am doing better and improving with all areas, the pain is still there?

I hope I'm making sense. I have become increasing conscious of my weight and appearance but feel hopeless about the matter. I don't feel depressed but I feel empty and lonely.

Maybe it's boredom, boredom can make you think too much.

I'm still trying not to smoke and have reduced it dramactically with only a couple of times where I stuffed up, still on nicotine patch.

Feel like crying and I'm not sure why, I mean I feel fine I'm not like I was but I fear the depression lurking in me just waiting for a weak opportunity to take me down agaun.

I am happy being single, it's first time ever I have been single and not flung myself into alcohol and one night stands, but now everthing feels raw and dealing with it is hard. I know everything is fine, I know I'll find happiness but still it's really hard, it hurts.

Keeping myself well requires more energy and thinking than being ill!

bluewave
xxoo

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Comments from the community:

Bluewave

no truer words were spoken .... keeping myself well takes more energy than staying ill...

Good times with friends are the building blocks of memories...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 13. May 2008 12:38 AM

Blue

You sound like you are doing really well - not drinking and no affairs. Be proud of yourself.

Also be proud that you had a weekend away with a friend and some company. Good friends are hard to find when the dark times hit so you make sure you do all you can to keep your girlfriend.

Sounds as if you are getting your life back under control. Go Girl!!!

Go Blue!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 13. May 2008 06:17 AM

hi bluewave; dont be so hard on yourself ,from what l hear you are doing real well. when we change thing in life ,it takes a long time to adjust .[time frame] is not important it is how you get through it.l gave up ciggies 4 yrs ago .l had smoked for a long time but l felt like l had lost my best friend, it was hard but my health was suffering.you dont need a reason to cry if you need to cry do it.dont analyse it,l am on my own and miss a man in my life sometimes as l am a very affectionate person .but cant handle all the bullshit that goes with ,so l think you are slowly climbing this huge mountain of your life as it was and how it is at this point in time ,so what if you fall down it some times because you can always start to climb back up it as long as you dont fall down and hit rock bottom,so be kind to yourself and try not to do give up to many things at once you are still young and have lots of hope in your life take care and have a good day rubee

Written by rubee, 13. May 2008 12:39 PM

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