With RECOVERY comes ANXIETY
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 6. May 2008 02:59 PM
Hi all,
Thanks again to all your comments. In the past week I have focused more on myself. I am feeling good still but my mind is starting to allow the anxious thoughts creep in...
Last Friday I met up with my ex-bf/boss, he is the one who caused a lot of damage to me. The only reason I had to see him was that I needed my 2.5 thousand dollars which I had put in his name. I wanted the money out of his name so I would no longer have any financial ties with him. I told him I needed it to buy a car. So our little lunch meeting went well he gave no arguments in getting my money out.
However as time went by I felt my self becoming drunk quickly and once again felt no control on my intake. He made several advances on me and it made me sick, I just ignored him. I left after that to go to my friends 21st but by then I was a wreck. I was tears because meeting up with him just made me sick, he can never change and had 4 other girls waiting for him at another bar, he will always cheat on his wife and having him constantly ask me for sex during our meeting left me feeling dirty.
The night ended quickly as I left my friends party in a mess. One of my best high school friends doesn't want to see me until I have been at least 3 months sober. This has upset me greatly.
I feel so ashamed and angry at myself. I guess I got the mission done in getting my money back and proving to ex/boss that I had completely moved on and was happy. But as my psychologist and I feared I drank too much and now have damaged a good friendship over it. I feel very sad. My frind is very caring but I can understand why she hates me drinking because I do become suicidal.
Feeling anxious but I am coping, I am trying to think realistically and positively but still everyday is still a battle
Bluewave
xxoo