7 Deadly SINS
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 23. Jan 2008 03:32 AM
Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Pride
Wrath
Envy
Right now I am commiting gluttony. I feel like the worst person in the world. I know that there are killers and rapist out there but it doesn't matter because I feel I have really made terrible mistakes in my past that just do not fit with my character. My acts are unforgivable, I have gone against many of my morals and now I am completely lost in myself. I don't even know who I am anymore.
I feel so scared, I just hope that I will find my way. I am so lost. I AM SO FAT and here I am continuing to stuff my face with chips, it's distgusting!
What have I become over these past few years. A friend from childhood came to visit me but when we were catching up I just looked in her eyes and she looked so disappointed and worried about me. She kinda shrugged and sighed heisitantly as I re-accounted my events on the weekend. As if I was out of control or something.
I just never knew I was so out of order or not normal or just so different to what I was. I felt like so many of my friends thought I was 'mental' that night we went out. I felt this uneasy, friendly but cautious looks on my friends faces. But the expression on her face told it all.
I haven't gone to work for 2 days now and I just feel completely flat. nothingness. I just don't want to ge out of bed and when I do I feel like dying. There is just too much in my head right now that it's impossible to explain what I am thinking. I'm trying to make my words clear but apologise if they are not.
I have recently self harmed again and I don't even know why I did it. My feelings are so different about it now, I kow it does not help me and it usually makes me feel worse! I have struggld to stop this bad habit, so why the hell did I do it again! I didn't even enjoy it, It served no purpose, it was meaningless self-destruction and I am angry at myself.
I don't know where to turn
Bluewave :(
xxoo