broken down- HELP
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 5. Aug 2007 02:39 PM
hey dear friends,
I just came back from a business trip in sydney. My boss/lover who is 41yrs (22 years my senior) But I have currently broken up with him sexually however still friends. I had an even which was scary and though still friends with him I am confused and frightened.
What happened is that we were out drinking and I went back to hotel early because I was feeling down and had been fighting with boss/lover all night. When I got home I cut myslef a little bit then fell alseep.
Boss came in room back from pub about 3:30am and was getting undressed, I woke up and we were talking calmly then he saw the cuts on my arm. He snapped! He said "what is this shit!!?? I won't put up with this anymore" "you won't get any attention from me! you are a selfish b" "the world doesn't revolve around you"
" You know what? just do it! go ahead kill yourself, your family has already prepared for it, they probably have your coffin ready for you." "you know what? I'll help you, I'll push you off this balcony I'll help you"............at that point I walked to bathroom crying and screaming and cutting. He got really mad and made me open door. I was calling up a friend but only had her message bank. he was in bathroom with me and trying to pull me up by my wrists. he was pulling on area I had cut so it really hurt.
He said "what is this cutting you started agian, you are so selfish, I have done so much for you and this is the thanks I get?!!" He then made me go to balcony and lifted me up by the legs threatening to throw me off, but I fell on ground.
He then went on for another half hour about how easy it would be to murder me, that he could just pretend that he was trying to stop me from jumping but he could actually help me jump off. he said he could murder me and no one would know, as considering my track record It would just look like a suicide." I was screaming and cvrying and he wouldn't let me go to sleep.
I was beside myself and it was about 5am now and we were still screaming. finally he tired out, I apologised for cutting and for making him feel that his efforts to get me a job and support was disregarded by my cutting. I apologises and said sorry over and over again.we fell asleep on the bed together as if nothing had happened.
I am blank with shock still and don't know what to make of this.
help
bluewave
xxoo