sober and better
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 7. Feb 2007 03:34 AM
Hey guys,
thank you so much for your comments, I was feeling really low on that weekend. I'm not sure why I became so emotional, I am scared a bit about my drinking behaviour. My boyfriend has never made me drink, ever. However he drinks regularly, he does business deals with clients over a beer, drinks at the end of the week, drinks when he is happy, drinks when he is stressed...etc I am finding I too am drinking a lot more than usual, like 3-5 days a week and almost always get drunk. It's kinda weird, like it was so gradual, I didn't really notice until that night.
Also I didn't talk to my boyfriend for whole weekend. He messaged me heaps saying he was worried, and that he felt so stupid for leaving me behind and that he had to make it up to me. He was truely sorry and the fact that I didn't say anything to him about having a bad night makes me feel assured that he actually did take notice and once sober saw his obvious mistake. we talked on the monday after the weekend, I feel a lot better guys. I'm so happy at the moment. When I saw him I actually in the first time in my life said what I wanted to say. I didn't care if he disagreed or would like me less I told him he hurt me and that I was still kinda mad.
I am glad to also say that weekend I did not cut myself eventhough I really felt I needed it at that time. I realise I have become so much stronger than before. I also realised how much I love my boyfriend because he has helped me to love myself. i am not saying this to justify his behaviour that night. But every single day since being together he tells me that I'm beautiful or another equally nice compliment. Every single day. I am starting to believe in myself that maybe I am beautiful, maybe I don't need to loose weight, maybe he is right in saying my body is perfect for him and doesn't need to be changed. I feel like a stronger woman!
I feel I have been challenged and I have not resorted to all the negative behaviours I used to do. Still I need to do a lot more work on myself. But this is the first time in a long time that I can actually say that I am ver close to being happy! :)
bluewave
xxoo :)
I love you guys! take care!