Back to reality
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 28. Jan 2007 08:34 PM
Hey guys,
Just got back from holidays. I'm home now and since being back my eating has gone back to being unstructured and back to the way it was. My eating disorder is better. but my family rarely eat together and I usually just make my own dinner. But as a result I find eating so overwhelming and when I eat at home i can't stop, I start feeling trapped and just eat and then the bulimia thoughts come rising. I haven't purged for months and months so doubt I will do it again, but still even at this moment I feel out of control.
I have no money at all in my bank account, don't know what happened I just kept spending it on clothes. I still live at home but still I need money. Starting a job tommorow so that will be a good thing. last month I felt very impulsive, the spending, drinking alcohol, sex, eating they were all to extremes. felt kinda scary.
I just realised that the enrolment date for university is well over. I just kept putting it off because I find it too over whelming. I need to re-enrol into psychology, I will go to unversity, I'm sure I can still re-enrol but will have to pay a late fee...which is not good because of money situation, but getting in is a lot more important.
I do however feel refreshed from holiday. I realised that you just have to ignore comments from parents at times and that I need to deal with stressed environment at home by just removing myself from family and engulfing myself into my art/music/sociaL life. I didn't realise how badly home can be until I came back. Those two and a half weeks away from home did me well!
I'll try my best to keep challenging negative thoughts and to deal with the situations I have to deal with.
bluewave
xxoo