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Written by bluewave 2. Jan 2007 07:34 PM

hey guys, thanks for all of your comments.

I was a bit of a wreck last time I wrote but today I am A LOT calmer. The results said I am clear of any STI's "pheeew" wow all that worrying for nothing! so happy everythng is fine, such a relief.

My period is now 3weeks late. I did two home pregnancy tests and both were negative. So I guess I'm not pregnant but might do another one. Only problems with body now is that still have symptoms of everythng but results show no evidence of the serious stuff, which is good I guess.

I have been feeling a lot better since leaving the clinic. I definatley been having bad days but thats exactly what they have become. Bad days...and not bad weeks or months like before.

Thanks so much guys for your support. It scares me when I can totally flip from one external factor in my life that is not going well. I've realised that though I'm recovering I am not 100% better yet. I still need to take each day one by one.

I also know why I was becoming so anxious and more depressed, simply too much alcohopl, not taking medication on time and lack of sleep. It's so simple but still I loose track sometimes.

I have been ruminating abou my weight but not as much as before. I have had thoughts of self harming but I am able to distract myself and I have not done it for a good while now :) My suicidal thoughts are frequent but the intensity and actual intent is hardly there. I honestly am feeling like this year will be better.

My new years resolution is, to keep myself alive this year so I can to go through 2nd year of my psychology course. I am going to remind myself that suicide is not an option. It can not happen this year, i I want to I will have to survive this year and learn from it before I let myself re-consider it again.

Love you all
bluewave
xxoo

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Comments from the community:

Hello bluewave,
Thank you for accepting me on depnet chat this afternoon.
I came into chat feeling rather sad and left feeling so much better.
Thanks Again,
Melani x0x

Written by Anonymous, 2. Jan 2007 08:13 PM

Hi bluewave

What an excellent New Years Resolution.

Get your doctor to do a pregnancy test so that you'll know about that for sure as well. No need to keep worrying about that if it really is negative.

Stay on the contraception if you are going to be sexually active. Antidepressants in general don't mix well with pregnancy, so it's best to avoid pregnancy if possible.

Be kind to yourself

Jenny

Written by Deleted_User, 2. Jan 2007 09:25 PM

Good to see you bluewave, and I'm glad that scare is out of the way...
Regards.

Written by Deleted_User, 3. Jan 2007 12:45 PM

Go my warrior!
I ,personally am so proud of you my hands are trembling.
A bit of a team,you and me.doesn't matter where or when, when time is able we give each other a pep-talk. And it just so happens to make our day seem brighter.
As i write i am copying this post--to mail to you next year and to be even prouder again.
As i sit here to give you that'peptalk'I'm lost for words.As telling as it may be,you will become a highly respected professional in your field,coz you've beaten what they've only read about,and never encountered the battle. At the end of it all --if I ever need therapy,or a diagnosis,it will make my day,week,year,10 years to call on you and use your experiened,personally and overcome this disease)professional expertise.You will become the leading edge of bringing understanding,and recovery,to a new level.
Its not gonna be easy,you know that,but its like that old cliche:-"Its not what you walk in with,-----its what you walk out with that matters !",

I will feel hounoured to meet you ('hey-and vice versa!),and have chocky-and a chit chat,when,one day,we may catch up.Till then,I'm only a post away.
sleep with angels,
Bryzy

Written by Deleted_User, 5. Jan 2007 02:31 AM

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