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Written by bluewave 5. Nov 2006 02:16 AM

I broke up with my boyfriend for good, it's over. I am glad it's such a relief I can't believe how destructive he was to me.

I am currently in a mental clinic, 2weeks so far. It helps. I met a 41 year old married man. We have become close mates. But he kissed me and we have tried being intimate while in clinic. BUT still have not. Today my eyes have been opened and I can not believe what I have become. I am so ASHAMED that I kissed him back and even considered doin stuff with a married man. I can not believe my self

I hate myself so much, how could I have gone past all boundaries, past all personal values. I hate the person I have become. I feel so vunerable and DESPERATE for any affection from anyone! I feel like I have been drunk for 2 weeks and am now sobering up and beginning to feel horrified in remembering the regretful things I have done.

I guess at least I have only kissed him but still I can not justify my actions. All I know is that I wanted to feel loved, important and he made me feel that and I thought to myself, I not letting go. I realise now that a relationship can NEVER happen. I feel regret and complete shame, I can not believe what I have done.

Bluewave

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Comments from the community:

Bluwave
Don't be so hard on yourself. People get attracted all the time in those situations, you are in an artificial environment right now, no need to moralise, it would be just plain stupid if you are trying to sort yourself out to form an emotional attachment to something which is dead before it even began....and with someone whose problems are known to be severe.
Concentrate on getting your head together, you are in the right place to do that, you really need to do that.
Keep us posted. Listen to what these people recommend for you, they have solutions to your pain.
Time for romance later...heaps of time.
All the best.

Written by Deleted_User, 5. Nov 2006 07:54 AM

Hi Blue,

Don't be too hard on yourself, we all crave affection and that is what he offered. And with the situation with your ex, it's totally understandable. We all make mistakes, it's ok.

Good luck with everything, keep us posted hey. We are all here. Take care and think positive, no negatives ok. It's ok to make mistakes, just have to learn from them.

Stace xo

Written by Anonymous, 5. Nov 2006 09:54 AM

Hi Bluewave,
Same as jo and stace-don't be hard on yourself.
I have been in the hospitals myself and,as jo points out,its an artificial environment.Bonds are created ,
as comfort - and this married guy should know better.
You are in the right place to get the help you need ,
put all your efforts into getting back on track.
Be proud of yourself for having the courage to reach out for help-recognizing the signals and making positive actions. Good on you.

Take care and sleep with angels,
Bryan

Written by Deleted_User, 5. Nov 2006 10:23 AM

bluewave,

don't be so hard on yourself, at least you have reconised your mistake, and not gone further.

We all seek/search for warmth, love, cuddles, affection, reassurance, acceptance etc. even more when we're down, although I have not been in a mental clinic, I would think that it would be even harder, by been confined within a small enviroment.

Forgive you're self, he may feel the same way to?
Don't make your stay there harder then it needs to be.

best of wishes and hugs from me xxxxxxx
Ciao

Written by 1990, 5. Nov 2006 11:15 AM

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