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Written by bluewave 1. Sep 2008 01:14 AM

I found out that my ex has a new gf...and he is still married. I feel so sick! I can't handel this. I was not someone special that he would leave his wife for. I was just another one of his f**k buddies..ohhhhh a feel physically sick. I knew he was a cheater, he slept with prostitutes all the time but this just confirms the fact that my relationship with him didn't change him one bit...he is still the cheating, abusive alcoholic.

I always thought could rescue him. It's been over half a year since we were officially broken up but I feel so much rage still. Ahhhhhhhhh oh my God his wife is so stupid why does she stay with him? He is such a terrible person I can truely say he is the worst human being I have met.

Why did I not tell anyone about this bastard? It's all my fault I bet this new women will fall for him just like I did and then get abused too. I should have said and done something much much more so his wife and other women would be safe.

I HATE HIM. I HATE MYSELF!!!!! I hate myself, now some other women is going to get hurt and it's because I was stupid and too afraid to say anything. I'm pathetic.

Oh everything is so over whelming. I can't handel this. I'm so far behind in uni too. What made me think I could go back and succeed anyway?!!!!! The past 2 weeks I have been having panic attacks randomly. I used to just be anxiuos but now out of the blue I go into complete panic.

I hate men so much right now and I hate myself for this.I know not all men are like Colin but it hurts so much. I see my girlfriends talk about their dates and boyfriends and I wish I could love a man like that. I wish a man could love me back the same way.

I feel so ugly, I'm the fattest in my group I always have been but now even more so. I self sabotage everything I do, no wonder no man wants me.

It HURTS so much, it hurts trying so hard to keep it together can't let mum know I'm not coping

bluewave
xxoo

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Comments from the community:

Bluewave

Well i guess there is not much to be said... if you become mistress to a married man... you are bound to be hurt... and you have been... believing your love could change him from who he is is delusional... he is happy as a pig in mud... he is getting sex and that is all he cares about... not you or his new gf or his wife...

doing something about his cheating... will be harmful to the wife... but maybe she knows already and doesn't care... so think about it...

you need to get some counselling... you need to work through your emotions...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 1. Sep 2008 02:07 AM

Hi Rach,

Dont blame yourself Darl or hate yourself. It is a reflection on your eX-Boyfriend not you. He's just a loser and NO not all men are like him.

Build yourself up, study hard and live your life to the full as you are young and deserve better and more.

You will make it

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))

nice chatting to you on msn too

Written by cherry1, 1. Sep 2008 02:21 AM

It might be good to work out what is really causing this angst. It isn't altruistic or protective feelings toward the new gf or wife. It isn't doubt that you did the right thing getting out of an impossibly poor situation. It can't be shock at his behaviour since he has always been like this. Is it jealousy? Because we remain jealous for years so it is something we need to learn to live with I have found. Just say well I am jealous but it will lessen somewhat, and it will if you don't feed it with negative crap. I am often surprised by my jealousy, but I recognise the idiocy of it so I put it aside and view it a bit humorously when I can. It's one of those really ungrowup emotions and there is no dealing or reasoning with it so I laugh at it. It is also much worse when we ourselves are lonely. If you are not jealous then forgive my presumptions. Don't hate yourself bluwave, laugh at yourself on this one.
Not a big horrible cynical laugh, but just at how we can easily be sidetracked by the crap in life.
I am sorry you are doing it tough, try and ride it out and do the right things till symptoms subside so you are not left with a mess to clean up. Check your impulsivity, I have been very conscious of that lately and it is helping to keep a more normal flow to the days and nights. Can you find an extra session with your Psych just for this subject? As for study and anxiety, I find I can be ok at most things if I can keep stressors under control, so this situation is probably contributing to those symptoms. If you could get a handle on this situation you will move forward again and I wouldn't spend too much time or energy on it as it is attached to your past not your future. I think you still have contact there, one bit of reassurance will ease your current turmoil but will create more and perpetuate this craziness, so please resist.
All the best bluewave.

Written by maple, 1. Sep 2008 09:48 AM

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