The Test
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 8. Jul 2008 02:28 AM
Hi all,
I have been tested today. I had a trigger, it's not about what the trigger was but more about how I initially reacted.
It's been about one month since I was 'tested' and today I found how easily it can be to fall into negative self critical thoughts. I had a moment which I felt suddenly overwhelmed.
Then a deep breath...Why am I suddenly doubting myself and why am I minimizing my progress? STOP! Yes I accept the incident triggered past hurtful memories but why dwel on this pain. It is the past.
It is so easy to fall into a dark hole when someone pokes our soft vunerable spot. However though painful, this does not mean we have to succumb to our automatic negative pattern of thought.
Today I passed the test because I realized that though I had a brief moment of chaos and hurt I stoppped myself. Pulling my mind back to stable ground and realistically and thoughtfully reflected on why was feeling bad.
Thus today I have learnt a small but valuable lesson. We must stop ourselves, and try our best to ask ourselves why a certain event of the day has triggered negative thoughts. I found that by dissecting the feeling but observing and correcting our irrational thoughts the pain actually dulls a little and it gives us time to see what emotions are rational and what feelings and beliefs are not helpful.
The road to recovery is hard. It can be harder than being sick, however as I have drummed into myself, persistance and challenge and constant grounding can and will see us through.
Bluewave
xxoo