The long journey continues
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 1. Jul 2008 05:13 PM
Hi all,
I had a set back on the weekend, but I have bounced back already in just a few days. It's curious to me how one day I can feel such intense raw pain and then the next feel fine and dandy.
The mood swings are extrememly frustating however I have been more happier than not, so I guess I am still improving.
I am still doing weight watchers, it's been a week and I have lost 1.7kg. I'm still doing Salsa and loving it...romantically I have no one, but recently I have been having feelings for a friend again. I met up with friends on the weekend and seeing him brought back memories, I forgot how much i like this guy.
It's definately not a possibility, he is taken and even if he were not I don't think he likes me like that anymore...nothing eventuated from the first time we met and we just ended up being friends, for the past two years I kick myself for this but at the same time I think I have and do put him up on the huge, unreachable pedastal. I don't think it would have worked out anyway but I wish I took the chance, everyday I hate myself for losing him. It's like it ended before we even had a chance to start.
The whole men situation has not improved and I accept this. What I mean is that I know I am not ready for any sort of relationship. I know I need to heal myself first and though I know what I have to do, it's not any easier. I won't lie, loneliness does fill my heart often, I yearn to lie next to a warm body, to feel sexy again, to feel beautiful, to have a man give me affection. To be noticed...to exist...
Nevertheless I will carry on, walking this path I have fallin apon. I'll keep walking to the end and hopefully the next few weeks will be brighter and I'll be stronger...
Love you all
Bluewave
xxoo