DISTRESSED and Update on 'POLICE' entry
A page in the diary ""
Written by bluewave 5. Jun 2008 03:10 PM
Hi all,
I am currently at work and can not concerntrate, I am thinking about my ex boss/boyfried. I am hurting. My mind is wondering if he is still cheating on his wife. If he cheated o me.
I know I shouldn't give a damn anymore but his abuse still haunts me and I want to feel worthy, I want to get some answers I am still so angry and confused. I want to know if he still sleep with prostitutes I want his wife to find out.
I hate myself for having the affair with him. I hate myself for accepting the abuse that still haunts my mind. hate myself for not voicing the lack of work ethics at that company I wish I said something. As a Boss and boyfrind he was verbally abusive and equally damaging.
I want to move on but there are days like today he is in my mind and my chest feels tight, I am running out for a smoke and my teeth clench. I am anxious and so tired.
I want to cry but I can not I want answers from him. I want one truthful answer. I promise not to contact him. I don't want to see him but I feel I have no closure on the matter. I feel my wounds still open and they can be healed.
...on a completely different subject I have some great news. If you guys remember I had a friend whos dad is raping her. She went to hospital a few weeks ago where she got a lot of support. I ask her a lot of confronting questions and she finally opened up more to me. She is finally accepting that it is not her fault and this saturday she is going to tell her mother about the abuse with her psychiatrist.
I am soooo happy, finally she does not have to hide, finally he will be exposed for the monster he is. Last week she pushed he closet against her bedroom door and he could not rape her that night, when she got out her room the next morning he was waiting for her outside her bedroom where he grabbed her hand and smashed her head against the wall.
This is the first time she did not freeze and actually blocked her door so he could not come in during the night, I think he was so angry because he realizes he is losing control.
I hope everything goes well and her bitch of a mother doesn't ignore her cry for help again and believe the shocking truth.
oh guys I am so emotional right now and at work so keeping a straight face, dear lord this is hard.
Still thinking about Boss/Ex...I am breaking
Bluewave
xxoo