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Hi Bluewave,
I can totally relate to your feelings about feeling fat and not sexy. I weighed about the same as you and have put on similar amount of weight. I think its the meds as well as comfort eating for me.
I am about 40 years older than you . But I too want to be and feel sexy again.
I guess we have to accept how we are right now and do our best to work on the weight problem and the lonliness.
I wish you all the best in your endeavours.
If we continually work on ourselves- one little step at a time we will eventually reach our goals. Maybe break you big goals up into smaller ones . Then reward yourself at each step.
Any way hope whatever you try works for you .All the best.
Take care,
Julie

Written by julesfree, 3. Jun 2008 06:55 PM

bluewave

body image is so important to our sense of worth ... our self esteem will wax and wane depending on our perception of ourselves...

wanting to be sexy again is a worthy goal.. maybe weight watchers can help you feel sexy again... and that is your motivation...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 3. Jun 2008 06:57 PM

Have you read my mind Bluewave? Cause I swear that most of that is exactly what I struggle with (except I'm so tall that 80kg for me is healthy weight :P).

I am really tall, and have never been super skinny - I was a healthy weight but had 'curves in all the right places' and 'legs for days'. Then I ended up in hospital for the first time and started taking truckloads of psych meds (we know what they do to the waistline) at the same time that I fractured my knee and stopped skating for 2.5 years. I ballooned and I felt absolutely revolting. I put on 30kg in a matter of months, and like you had the ugly stretch marks.

I started losing weight last year cause I couldn't skate while I was so fat. I'm getting there, only about 5 kg to go but because the loss has been as fast as the gain was I don't see it and still feel disgusting. Like you I used to wear these sexy little skirts cause I thought "I worked my ass off at skating to get these legs, so I'm gonna flaunt them" and I really miss that confidence.

I think that lack of self worth is a big part of our mental illnesses. Or maybe our mental illness is part of our lack of self worth. Either way, it isn't a good thing. I'm not sure how you get over that - unless you have your own personal Carson Kressley (sorry, I've been watching too much "How to Look Good Naked") to help you.

I know what you mean about wanting a boyfriend too. My friends are almost all paired up in longterm relationships and I haven't had a proper boyfriend since a month after I turned 18. Especially now I'm living on my own I really feel lonely.

I know it is probably little consolation, but you are a great person with a pure heart, and your soulmate is out there somewhere. He just got lost, and you know what guys are like with asking for directions!

Written by babz, 3. Jun 2008 07:57 PM

Blue

I understand the weight issue as I am obese and I don't feel attractive at all but a wedding wasn't even incentive enough to help with the weight reduction, eventhough I did loose soome weight.

Go Weight Watchers as they work!!! It is your motivation and make sure that your a/d are not weight gaining as it could be sabotaging your effort. That is why I have been on so many a/d because my psychiatrist is trying to get my weight down and not use the weight gaining a/d like avanza.

Go Blue!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 3. Jun 2008 08:00 PM

hey bluewave wrote in my diary!!! I did WW lost a load of weight but have put half back on, my own fault. give it a go if you have a nice group and leader they are a great support- if not move on they are toxic!!! I am single too all my friends are partnered (and I love their partners which makes it harder). so I am shutting myself away. still every so often I do something crazy- like wear something super sexy to a party (and got compliments) or join a dating website, if not to actually go out at least for a perve, and to realise there are some nice single men around. xx

Written by untouchable, 3. Jun 2008 08:28 PM

Re yr reply 2 soxi-
Ask yr doc bout Inderal- (its a Beta blocker) but th side effect of it is it lowers yr pulse (cant take if u hav low blood pressure) & there4 stops excessive sweating & the shakes as a result of antideps.
Take care
Mmmwa
xxx

Written by Gyps, 5. Jun 2008 01:59 PM

oooh Inderal knocked me out! I lost hours on the couch, it was freaky!

Written by untouchable, 6. Jun 2008 01:49 PM