Please help me understand...?
A page in the diary ""
Written by justify2c 23. Mar 2008 06:16 PM
I thought it was going to be a good day and I went to see my parents today for Easter. They live about 25 min drive away and I bought them a Forest cake and wanted to take them out to the beach to get some fresh air and clear the mind. As soon as I arrived, I noticed my mum was all tense again and Dad was being his usual submissive self. Both my Parents suffer from depression also and I understand that they had a hard upbringing but that doesn't give them the right to put me down. They were saying how I'm being brainwashed by my counsellor as I don't see or agree with things that they do, they say I'm not the same person I use to be and that somebody is influencing me. I was so upset that I stood up to them and just left. I drove home and here I am telling you my story. I'm 36, single and respect my parents and treat them appropriately. Why do they put me down then? I know that they suffer from depression (and most likely bi-polar disorder) but that doesn't give them the right to abuse me. I tried to hold my tongue and not say anything, but it was too hard so I just stormed out of their house and left. I didn't say anything mean to them, just left. Why is this happening? What is the reason for this shit? Why can't people just get on with each other? Life sucks and half the time I feel like I'm just "acting" to be happy. I've been seeing my counsellor for 2 years and been on Efexor 150mg for 2 years. What is next? What am I doing wrong? I'm a kind, gentle man and I love animals and nature. I have 2 beautiful cats who mean the world to me and I live a very solitude and isolated life as I'm scared of being hurt by people. It really hurts when it is your family and not a stranger. I've done great in my career and I'll be working for the same company for 10 years in August 08 (Long service Leave) but what does this all mean? Where is the happiness? I'm now trying to become a co-parent and want to become a dad, but will that make me a happier person? Can I raise a child? My sister is 39 and just had her first baby 1 year ago. She is an alcoholic and also on antidepressants. What the fuck is going on? So sorry for swearing guys, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I am spiritual and a Christian and pray everyday to God, Jesus and the holy spirit. I'm very conscious of the environment and animals and would do anything to improve this world to be a better place. I feel like I'm losing a battle and that I just have to give up...this world is not meant for me...Please help me understand what am I doing wrong?