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The visions of death, black, darkness, loneliness are what alot of depressed people have when in a depressed state. Even though you've described more "catastrophic" things, from my experiences I still think that's classified as depressive symptoms. Which leads me to query your medication. But it all depends on how often you've been having these moments when on Efexor-xr and also the relative time between such moments.

It may seem hard to believe on here but I know exactly how you feel. I've never posted before and have been aware of this site for years. The struggle seems endless and people just don't understand. You're right about the feelings of numbness and seeming loveless, it's definately the depression having it's effect.

As hypocritical as it sounds coming from someone who experiences that vicious circle all the time I think the best solution is to try and get out, exercise, do things you normally enjoy. Even though you have ruminations of suicide you need to distract yourself.

Like I said, you're the 1st post I replied to because this is very similar to what I write down on bits of paper all the time.

Keep having faith that there is possibility of remission or ways to cope with this illness.

-haz

Written by Deleted_User, 13. Jan 2008 01:23 AM

Justify2c

Report these side effects to your doctor so they can monitor you closer. I know it had bad side effects for me - on a high, wide awake with the worst migraine for 3 days.

Go Justif2c!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 13. Jan 2008 05:25 AM

Perhaps you've developed an immunity to the medication or its not the right one for you. Go back to your dr or find a new one. You may think death is the answer but it wont solve anything but cause grief for those you leave behind. Ive had those moods a lot & it does pass. Hang in there, keep busy if u can, if your anything like me stay away from sharp objects. Write down what your feeling, u dont have to show it to anyone but it may help u comprehend it better but having it in black n white not just in your head. Talk to someone about this if u can find someone that u can trust. Perhaps u may need to go to hospital for a bit. They can help u find other treatments if your meds arent working for u.
Try n think of it as a phase that has to end some time. Find a hobby maybe, surely theres something out there that may help u feel a bit better. Keep trying dont give up, your not the first to be in this position n u certainly wont be the last. You can do this, your stronger then u think, even if u dont feel it at the moment.

Written by hellhole, 13. Jan 2008 01:44 PM

Thank you haz, studying1 & hellhole for your responses. I really appreciate your support. I'm feeling all mixed up again tonight and my mind is just racing away and making all these assumptions about the future and I really just get scared about being old and lonely...it is neverending...when will it end? Am I able to have a life where I'm confident, peaceful and calm..please God answer my prayers...please.

Written by justify2c, 13. Jan 2008 10:49 PM

justify2c-you need to tell the person who prescribed your meds exactly what you have just posted in your diary. You need to do this as soon as possible. Please do not delay.

Written by Deleted_User, 14. Jan 2008 02:38 PM