Big change
A page in the diary "Ups and downs of my life"
Written by sammy1987 15. Mar 2007 08:58 PM
so i wouldnt call it quitting my job...cos I do plan to go back.
I just need some time to sort myself out...ive been hiding it...for weeks now..pretending everything is ok...but it hasnt worked.
I miss Mum so much, like crazy! Its all ive been able to think about...and its affecting my life...yet again! I'm falling back into the deep end...and ive forgotten how to swim...and its awful!
I feel like shit....like nothings goin right anymore...ive lost some friends...i havnt been sleeping much, i havnt been eating much...ive been sick! Im so...
fed up...im tired! I just want someone to come and fix it all for me...make it all better. I want my Mum to come make it all better.
But I know Im the only one who can make things better...so i spoke to my leader...and we have agreed for me to take some time off...just a few weeks. Sort some things out...cos i wasnt doing sales...and it wasnt worth me coming into work.
So I am going to a HUGE clean out of my room....chuck out clothes and any other shit I dont need or use. Wash all my blankets, sheets pillow cases...everything! Just a huge cleaning of my room...
I am going to concetrate bit more on my tafe stuff...get that outta the way!
And I am not sure if I will find another job or not...I do want to go back to working there....so i might just wait!I will speak to mennard next week...and just go from there...it might just be 2 weeks...but i need to sort myself out!
Oh and another thing im gunna be doing...is a detailed idea of a memorial for mum...an actual spot where ppl can go and chat with her...or just be there...cos we dont have a "spot" its hard to explain. But I am going to make 1....so i'll work on that! ANd I think when ive organised all that...I think things will be better for me...and then i will go back to work...and kick butt....save up the money to do this "spot" cos it wont be free...i'll tell ya that much.
Over the enxt few days...im gunna write a letter to MUm...just saying things to her I never got to say...and to say goodbye...cos thats 1 thing i never got to do.
If anyone has any other ideas on how to get myself outta my rut again and back to being realativly normal...im open for suggestions!
And im gunna exercise my ass off too...maybe being fitter might help my mood too! :)
Well ttfn guys...and thanks for listening! Catch yas on the flip side!
Love Sammy!