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Back in the deep end

A page in the diary "Ups and downs of my life"
Written by sammy1987 9. Nov 2006 08:42 PM

some of past entries ive referred to depression as being like a pool...where my ok days are the shallow end of the pool...where I can stand and live like a normal person. And the deep end...is where I am consumed by everything..where I cant swim...where i feel like if i just stopped struggling...everything would be fine.

I can feel myself...drowning..ever so slowly. Im too far away from the walls to hang on...and i dont know who I have...to throw me a donut (one of those plastic things they have on boats).

havnt made an entry in a few months....been thinking im fine..i dont need to talk about anything...but ive realised its all just wrong...

So where should I start aye?? Hmm get comfy cos theres a bit to come.

Maybe I should start with going to the dr's....I was feelin pretty sick..and deicded I should go see a dr...everyone thought I was pregnant. Well its the opposite...I have polycystic ovaries...now its not the most serious dangerous thing to have...but its pretty sucky. basically I am not ovualting. And on top of the fact that its gunan be harder for me to have than say a women without it...it has some nasty bad side effects Like weight gain and makes it harder to loose weight,....excsessive hair...like on the face etc etc...lots more pimples...it sux! I cant believe...after everything else ive had to deal with in life...I have this to add to it all...oh did I mention I could possibly have type 2 diabetes???No? well i might...but the dr says if i do...they will put me on some meds and a special diet too hopefully loose some weight (im a little bit over weight according to my dr and the lady who did the ultrasound the other week)
So i gota go for this glucose test...to check my blood work and stuff.
I am sooo bummed tho..bout the whole weight thing..and the baby thing...i mean..god my sister...the ever so wonderful mother...can have a kid...but Its gunna be harder for me??? WHERE DOES THAT MAKE SENSE???? It DOESNT! (for those who dont know..my sister is a cow and has a son but she isnt home much)

No one..in my family..will listen to me. I need some help...some support...someone whos in my life...who can just be there if I need to vent or just have some fun.

Um what else?? oh my sister...well shes a cow. I am so sick of her asnd her problems. Wont go into that now cos this entry will go on for ever!

And on top of everything...I want Wes to call me...i actually miss him (stupidly enough) we didnt really do much or we werent together togheter...but i had fun and he was...something that wasnt my family..wasnt my normal life.

And I miss Mum so much too. Espeically with this whole polycystic ovaries thing...she'd be there...helping me..letting me talk bout it to her...and shed listen to. She'd understand...not cos she went thru it...but bcos shes my mum...and would understand how hard it is...to be told...at the age of 19..that its gunna be harder for me to have kids!

But some good things...hmm! Well its my brothers wedding in just over a week! I am soooo excited about that!

Anyway...might go now. Thansk for listening!

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Comments from the community:

Hi Sammy,

Good to hear from you sweets. Pity it's not under better circumstances. I'm sorry you have the problems with your ovaries. Hope it doesn't cause too much grief down the road. asty side effects too. Hopefully you can overcome all those. A strong chicken, have faith i yourself.

I'm sorry your mum isn't around for you to talk to. You must miss her. But i know she's looking down on you and is your guardian angel. You'll be ok hun. And you have your brother's wedding to look forward to, keep your mind off things abit.

Hope things get better for you soon sweets. Take care, big hugs and support coming your way.

Love Stace xxx

Written by Anonymous, 9. Nov 2006 09:32 PM

heya sammy. from exp here, dont get to bummed on the polisitic ovaries thing ok chicky. yeah it is a big time bummer but you can live with it. yeah your periods will get worse and you will always have trouble having a flat tummy because it swells your uterus aswell. but being on the pill will help with that. i have a server case of it so bad that my ovaries are like chicken eggs and i am too young to have a histerectomy. but you do learn to deal with it and listen to your body and learn to take meds for it. the diabeaties thing is a side effect of a part of the polisitic ovaries. if you have that dont stress either. i was so scared when i was told i freaked out. but everything turns out in the end. you can still have kids its just you have to try that bit harder. ( i have had this since i was 13 eg when i starte to menstrate and i have 2 kids) belive me you will get there sweety. anytime you need to chat bout it you have my msn.

re your sis, i can relate to that but it aint my sis. my cousin is on drugs speed and pot and doesnt look after her bubba, my sis did for a few months til J left to go back down south with herr druggy friends. i worry about the bubba coz he is so sweet and innocent. at lest ricki has you for an aunt. couldnt ask for a better one.

take care sweety and chin up.
hugz and love
Libby

Written by Deleted_User, 9. Nov 2006 11:26 PM

Hello Sammy,
Thought you might be interested in this site, www.posaa.asn.au.
Its the Australian website for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
I found it really helpful some years back, with the information the provide, kits they send out and forums that are on the site.
Have a good weekend, maybe give Wes a call yourself and make some plans?
All the best,
Rach x

Written by raz, 10. Nov 2006 08:25 AM

Hello Sammy,

There are some great sites on the net for Polycystic... Have a look at the one raz suggested... Try and not stress too much over what Might be... you have no control over the what ifs remember... The research into Diabetes now is really good and even though it is not a great thing to consider once in a routine with the testing it will become second nature to you. ( It runs in my family also... and my dad has just been diagonised with it.)

When we get ill this depression seems to think it can just take over and make us feel worse... We have to tell it that's not how it is going to be.

I am sorry your not feeling great and hope that the treatment will help with making you feel a lot better.

As for your sis... well.... all i can say is that Ricky is lucky that he has a great Aunty like you.

email coming your way.

love and support
Michelle

p.s. enjoy the wedding.

Written by mickey2, 10. Nov 2006 11:39 AM

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