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Sammy I haven't read your whole diary, only todays entry, I've just joined today. I'm assuming your Mum took her life, which is quite ironic, because I'm a mum of three and last week I wanted to take my life (i posted an entry just after you)something I felt was that I could never forgive myself for leaving the kids sad and guilty but last week I came very close. As a mother all I can say is that your mum would have loved you immensley but was just pushed beyond her capability of coping. Forgive her and keep talking to her because she can hear you and she loves you

Written by jjm, 31. May 2006 12:38 AM

Hi Sammy,
Keep up that special contact you have with your mum... She is listening.. I guess you feel she isn't because she isn't responding the way you would like her to... I know she will be watching over you sweetheart and that she will guide you to make the decision that you need to make in life... ( just not make them for you.)

It is unreal how we can feel like this for no apparent reason... but there would be one... something way back when you were doing the dishes must have just popped in, a memory from the past... don't give up Sammy you are doing so well and should be so proud of yourself ( i am proud of you and all that you have accomplished)

You have a lot in front of you and so many people who love you and support you... It maybe time to go and seek some of that support to help you through this "not so good " time

email me if you want
lol Michelle

Written by mickey2, 31. May 2006 11:23 AM

Sammy
You absolutely are grieving and that is normal. If you are not seeing anyone I would reccommend that you see a Counsellor or even read a book about the grieving process.
None of us knows what is on the other side-all the Heaven and Hell stuff is not meant to be taken literally.
For myself, all my life I thought I would feel my Mother somewhere, waited for different signs, the only thing was that when I knew which cemetary she was at and visited there was no headstone but I ended up pretty much where it turned out she was. I have half a letter she wrote which I treasure. I have now fairly fixed ideas regarding this stuff which it is not my business to express here.
I think it is painful but normal for you to be swinging around whilst you are grieving, and you had a big week, maybe you were pretty tired on top of???
I have a particular song to which I have attached ny feelings toward my Mother too or it attached itself and it surprises me the different ways I feel about her when I listen to that. Sometimes I weep, sometimes I am really angry, and other times I just hold it to me warmly. Nonetheless it is mine.
Regards.

Written by Deleted_User, 31. May 2006 11:34 AM

oh sammy i am so sorry you are feeling so rotten. (((((((((warm hugs))))))))
keep that connection with your mum, she will be listening to you, it probably just doesnt feel like it because you miss her so much and are feeling so low. i am very glad to hear that you would never go down the same path, you are so strong and your determination and support from people who love you will see you through this rough time.

you can keep going sammy, you have the strength in you to keep going, even though it may seem as if it has all gone. keep searching for that little bit of light to hang on to...because one day you will turn the corner and it will get brighter and brighter and brighter unitl it shines out this darkness that you're in at the moment.

sometimes songs spark these painful emotions about certain things when we least expect it hey. reach out for support from those you love and trust, im sure you know this but it really will help you feel a bit better even if in the short term. of course, i don't know anything about your mother, but i know she would have loved you so much no matter what and would be so proud of you, you are doing so well.

well im thinking of you and email me anytime you want ok
look after yourself :-)
kia

Written by kia, 31. May 2006 03:03 PM