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Keeping on, Keeping on

A page in the diary "Chronicles of my melancholy mind"
Written by gideon9595 29. Nov 2005 02:49 PM

I am a bit mixed up at the moment.
I have been going well....and then have felt a bit unwell.
I had a day off work, and this caused me to feel anxious due to "unplanned Leave".
But at the sametime i am finding it easier to keep the anxiety in check.
Yes, I am anxious....but I am afraid of getting in trouble for having a day off work. But I know I won't get in trouble. so the anxiety is not required.
I am just telling myself that. And it does help.
I feel I am getting stronger. A few months ago I would have been in bed right now, hiding under the sheets crying and vomiting.
I still have my up's and down's. And it is hard.
I am trying to remember that the anxiety is fear of fear. and I have no reason for this fear. So the anxiety is void. and my depression. I am also doing to myself in many ways. Although as we all know that is a tough cookie to get through.
I am just trying to ride through it more. Although I want to hide in bed....I don't allow myself. By body and mind screams to allow me to give in. But I won't.
I am going to live my life. And if it means living with a feeling like death in my gut, then so be it.
The last month has been hard at times while i have done this. But I have also had some good times that I would have missed out on.
Anyway...I just wanted to check in.

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Comments from the community:

Gidz,

You are soaring! It is when life is hard and we keep going that we prove our strength and demonstrate for real just how much progress we have made.

Life will always be trying, for everyone - learning to deal with it is what it takes to overcome this illness. You are doing brilliantly. And speaking from experience; the cold, hard feeling in your stomach does go after a time.

I am really proud of you, and often think of you and wonder how you are. Thanks for dropping in and keeping us posted.

Love and light
MissJ

Written by MissJ, 29. Nov 2005 04:58 PM

Hey Gideon,
you are such a strong person to keep on going even though it is hard and exhausting. I really love the comment that u make about wanting to live your life and if it means living with a feeling of death in your gut, then so be it. I will remember that. That shows that i think you are a lot stronger than you think. When i am really down and flat, i have trouble saying this to myself. All i want to do is end it, and i know i have come close. But, that comment of yours makes me realise that i am not alone, and i will try to keep finding the inner strength to push on.
A great entry gideon,
Lots of hugs,
Kato xoxo

Written by kato, 29. Nov 2005 06:11 PM

Hi Gideon
You are really being so strong to keep fighting that dreaded gut feeling.It can go away.Sometimes it becomes a habit and we have to learn to replace it with a new and healthy habit. I was reading about anxiety caused by bad breathing. It was an article that said new breathing techniques can really help. I want to try it myself andwill put it on one of your posts in the next week, when I find the article.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going!
I understand the anxiety about work because my hubby is very confident in his job, but worries that if his back gets worse,he won't be able to work at all. I know the thought bothers him a lot.
You are such a consciencious person that you won't lose your job and I have used affirmations to help my anxiety.
Something like saying every day and any time that you remember a firm statement about your value as a worker.
Maybe-(just a suggestion)
"I work hard at my job and am of true value to the company.My job is secure because I am a good worker."

Of course, put it into words that are meaningful to you, but it must be a really positive statement and at the beginning you probably won't believe what you are saying. As time passes,if you keep saying it your self esteem will improve and you will know that it is true!
Good luck, I hope you try it.
Healing light and luv ,SUe:)

Written by dontworrybehappy, 30. Nov 2005 12:51 PM

GOOD ON YOU MATE! I ADMIRE YOU.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

You have so much fight in you. You are a true surpivor. You have so much strength. Just keep reminding yourself of the progress you have made.

Written by bush_baby, 30. Nov 2005 07:53 PM

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