Read diary

What the he

A page in the diary "Keeping it all together"
Written by Tracy 29. Jun 2006 01:54 AM

Well, I know it has been some time since I have done a diary entry and I can't even tell you why. Me, well everything is going wel I think...??? I seem to be doing OK, haven't had a hissy fit or a cry in sometime, my back is pretty bloody good considering how it was earlier in the year. So what the hell is wrong with me. Truth is I don't bloody well know, I don't feel down or even have a reason to feel sad or flat, but yet I just fel plane bloody awful and ben feeling like this for some time, maybe months, and each week I have an excuse for feeling this way, its either I have a head ache, I am tired or it that's time of the month. I look at all the chores, and cobwebs, the pile of washing to be put away, the dust under the bed, the shower that needs cleaning and amke one excuse after enother that I will do it tomorrow. My husband keeps given me little digs about how I could do some housework..mmm maybe if he just spent one afternoon helping me get on top of it all that may help. It seems like it got all out of controll when my back was really bad, and I just can't face it and get things to how I would like them to be. Am I depressed, I dont know to tell you the truth, what do they clasify as depression, emotinally I feel really good, or is that the anti depressants, but physically I just feel not well, dizzy, and so bloody tired. So is it just how my body tells me I am derpressed, or is it chronic fatigue, fibromylgia I don't know and its getting that way I dont even care I just know that everything is a struggle. And to top matter of worse, school holidays I have turned into a completed slacko, and lay in bed all morning, to tired to even get up, or I get up give the girls brecky and crawl back into bed. So I am not yelling at anyone, I am not fighting with any one, everybody is happy .. well except me, I feel like shit. And nobody even knows and nobody even cares. My husband roles his eyes and does the well if you are so tired go to bed earlier, but I can have twelve hours sleep and I dont feel any different. Maybe I need something exciting to happen in my life to get me up and fired, a holiday, even when other people are in trouble it gives me a new lease of life to get up, get out and help those in need. Just can't do it for myself.
Now I am feeling guilty to vent on here, but this is my diary and this is how I have really be feeling - just don't feel well, but yet I am not sick, perfectly healthy speciman. Thats what makes me made, I dont want to be sick, but why do I feel like someh=thing isn't quiet right. Or is it just the no testerone and form of depression that I have that make me feel like this. I wish my hubby understood and I guess I wish I understood too.
Anyway on a happier note, hello to you all. I hope everyone is plogging along OK and sending you all a big hug.
Oh and Les, how are you old boy, hope you are feeling better then this old girl here, although I aint that old, but I sure feel like I am up there in the oldies categorie at the moment. He He

Takecare all
Catch you soon and remember oh - what was it I was going to say... I can't remember oops Alziemers already
Trace

« Prev page | Next page »

Comments from the community:

Hi Tracy

good to hear from you, I remember you very well, you were the first person to write a comment to me.

don't feel guilty to vent on here, its your dairy, you are so right.
I have also understood that it is difficult for other people to understand what it is to be depressed and how we feel on the inside.

Take care
Mimosa

Written by Anonymous, 29. Jun 2006 02:03 AM

Hi Tracy,

Why on earth would you feel guitly about writing a truly open and hoenst diary entry.

From what I know of you Tracy you are a person who is usually very much aware of where you are in life and what it is you want or need. Although at the moment you seem to be a little lost.

Well, HEY that's OKAY!! Shit, it's fine to feel like that! We all do it. We all have those days, sometimes those weeks and yes even months.

One things that worries me though is that you seem really unsure as to what is the cause. Tracy go to the doctor, have it checked out. Do something positive and constructive about how you are feeling. A visit to a GP would and could be the first step in that direction.

Goodluck my friend and please cheer up. Who else is there to help me pick on our mate LES........... ha ha

((((hugs)))) & ((((kisses))))
Kellz

Written by Kellzacar, 29. Jun 2006 07:33 PM

My old mate.. OK OK, my good mate Tracy..
I know exactly how your feeling, well as far as the cant be stuffed goes, thats me to a tee, and yes it frustrates the hell out of me, as i was never like that.. I always was doing something, but now, too tired to care.. so if i was you , I would talk to your doc..
(i have an appt in a week lol)

I feel for you as far as hubby goes, tho as i have said before, many of uf that do have probs, dont understand ourselves at times, so how can we expect others to understand, tho it would be good for a partner to help..
Crikey, i am beginning to think there must have been something wrong with me haha, as i used to help around the house a hell of a lot, as that then gave us time to spend doing the things we wanted to do together.. (but look where it got me lol)..

To me it wasnt fair for one to do it all.. after all, it is a partnership eh??

And as far as the venting goes, shit you remind me of me,(now thats a scary thing tee hee) how many times have i felt guilty for venting here, but thats why we all come here, for support when we need it, and to give support when others are in need..
You have given your fair share of support, so dont feel guilty, orr i'll smack ya.. threat, not a promise lol..

And did you ever get your msn working.. if you have an email, you can email me anytime if you wish, lesr999@msn.com

hugs and luv
Les

Written by les, 29. Jun 2006 07:38 PM

About depression	Help with depression	Help for relatives	Society	DepNet Community	My Depression