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Annoyed, or do I feel crushed - both

A page in the diary "Keeping it all together"
Written by Tracy 18. Apr 2006 01:27 AM

Well any one ever had a friend say things to them that actually really annoys them. Well I got an email tonight from a friend through my children, known her for over twelve months. I had sent an email and mentioned how I was going to the Chiro and she was giving me rehab exercises to strenghten my back etc etc. The letter I got back went something along the lines of, chiro are a waste of time and money and the more adjustments you have the harder it is for you back to hold them. Plus that evreyone she knows with back pain think they are the only ones with back pain! and how she had had back pain and it hurt everytime she picked something up, did core muscles exercise and that fixed her. Well yes have that for 15 years and ignored it, but when you end up cripple and cant put your pants on, your seven year old daughter has to dress you and you cant get out of bed with out having to crawl first, and it is excrutiating to get out of the car and try and stand up straight, that you wake up one day a complete cripple. I would of thought would be a reason to be feeling a bit I cant doing anything at the moment because my body cant and wont do it. So anyone, feeling crushed that instead of a "I hope that rehab exercise and the chiro help you" otherwise the next option is surgery would have made me feel so much better. Yes I know being over sensitive. But I have been busting my but doin my back exercises and feel like it was a kick in the guts. And of coure the fact that chiro have six years at uni, surely they must be able to help the odd person, or otherwise they wouldnt still exist. Plus they know more about the back and spine then I do or my friend does...What doesnt help that strenghtening my muscles will help my back but it wont fix it, the four things I was dignosed with are actually unfixable, just try and stop them from getting worse, and also help straighten and hold my back up to ease the pain. I know that it cant be fixed, I can see it in the xrays, two radiologist one chiro and two doctors have all told me the same thing and had the same diagnosis. I guess I am really annoyed because I have been so positive about the news and doing my best to make my back strong, I feel like it was a kick in the guts. Yet why do I need approval from others, why do I care, its my back, I am the one living with the pain. Why is it that the stupidist little things can hurt you more then the bigger things that can happen in ones life. I dont know maybe its part of having a depresive nature, maybe its looking for approval from others all the time. Maybe it is just me and at times can be over sensitive. Yet if that was said to my husband we would just fob it off and not care about someone elses opinion. Gosh what I would give to have some of his I dont care what other people think of me personality. Just wish I could controll feeling upset over a stupid email, that I am sure wasnt sent intentionally to upset me, was just her opinons. But I cant help but feel a little bit crushed.
Anyway on a non whinging note, I had a lovely easter, although hubby worked everyday, girls went to there grandmas for a sleepover, so it was actually just nice to have some down time, bought some magazines, slept in, watched some day time telly, sat out on my front verandah in the sunshine. It was good. I hope everyone else had a lovely easter.

Takecare
Tracy

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Comments from the community:

Hi Tracey

I'm sorry you have chrinic back pain, it is debilitating. After reading your entry I can also understand that you make every effort to try to live as normally as possible. I know a lady near me, I give her son a lift to band every week, she is similar to you. Her husband has to put her undies on every morning, she is such a lovely lady and her husband is an amazing man and her kids are really nice. She puts me to shame, cos she really has something to complain about, on medication all the time to help the pain. But, like you she just tries to get on with her life and looks at the positives. Her condition is chronic and she can't get over it, she uses a walking stick to get around.

I don't think she sees a physio or a chiro, she has had surgery, it was successful, but unfortunately on her way home from the hospital her family were involved in a car accident and stopped the benifits of the surgery to be healed properly. She does things that she enjoys like scrapbooking and photography and that creates a lot of positive interest for her and gets her out and about a bit.

It's lovely talking to you on DepNet when you are there and you seem such a thoughtful and caring person. I'm thinking your friend is a little ignorant of your condition because she has never really taken the time to listen to you and find out how you really are. It's not something you should get upset about, just to realize how shallow and superficial ppl can be sometimes. If she takes the time to get to know you better she will probably have less opinions and more empathy.

Take care Tracy and have a good week
Love from Cath

Written by Anonymous, 18. Apr 2006 11:09 AM

Tracy,

Have you thought about actually writing back to your friend and explaining how you feel? I know it takes alot of guts to actually do it but you feel so much better afterwards and like you said, maybe she didn't know?

Good luck

Christie

Written by Christie, 18. Apr 2006 11:10 AM

Hi Trace
I do hope your treatment and exercises are giving you some relief. As for people who say things like that, yes, it happens to me sometimes.I also have a hubby who has a thick skin and it is frustrating to see him have no reaction at all to such comments.I too wish I had a thicker hide!
Just the other day I had a very close friend tell me to definitely not attempt certain courses or ideas for future employment. She and hubby both just tell me not to be so stupid. I know I have chronic pain, but I now have no kids at home and am a person who likes to be out meeting other people and pursuing intellectual challenges.Who are they to say I should not at least try!!!

You too are entitled to your opinion as to what is working for your life. I remember reading that we may all seem the same, but we are all seeing things from a different perspective, relevant to our own knowledge,desires and past experiences.That is why sometimes nobody seems to understand. Even if they were to experience the same pain right now, they would be basing the experience on knowledge from the past and what they know now.

Trace, we are each individual and unique. You are especially brave to be doing as much as you are while managing a household, business and family. I have been there and it most certainly is not easy.Just give yourself a medal for what you can accomplish and remember that she is not in your shoes!She most probably had good intentions based on poor experiences in the past.Some people also mean well but write without thinking how it may sound to you. Practice forgiveness, Trace, it can only help you to feel better when you let go of the anger.

I even had a friend once, who told me that she thought my hubby was finding it harder to cope with my chronic illness. (True) She then said that most men would have left me years ago!!!! I felt sick to the stomach when she said that and our friendship has never been the same.So few friends truly understand what I feel.

So hang in there Trace and we will both practice forgiveness together!!!

Glad you had a restful Easter and mine was chaotic.
Visitors until 1am Friday night and then BBQ for 16 people changed to our place at last moment on Sunday. I was suffering from pain and fatigue due to a flare-up of fibromyalgia and found it difficult to be active. Even my daughter was furious that only she and hubby and one other guy helped, while the other married women all sat and talked, leaving me the clearing and dishes alone.

Wonder if you have knowledge about the disability centre that provides tools etc for people with back problems. I saw a show recently, that had some brilliant ideas to make gardening easier for when your recovery is better.

Keep being positive and keep up the good work.
Love and support
Sue:)

Written by dontworrybehappy, 18. Apr 2006 12:37 PM

Dera Cathy Kristie and Sue

Thankyou so much for your encouragement, kind words and understanding. Feeling a little more forgiving today. But still cant help but feel crushed about being classified as we all think we are the only ones with back pain. I know I would be one of the most empathetic and supportive people to my friends and family when they are sick, in pain or having personal problmes. To be categorised that I think I am the only one that has issues, is slightly hurtful. Its funny I will drop all the tools to go and help someone in need, but yes I will get over it and I will forigve. But just needed twenty four hours to stew and vent. Which I know is not a healthy thing but thats me and I cant help it.

Anyway things can only get better because I will not end up a crippple, and if chiro doesnt work, then I will try acupuncture or osteopath or mytheropy while continuing my back stabilizing posture exercise, but I wont give up, nothing is going to stop me from gardening I give you the top. Oh and by the way I actually got out and weeded on Mon for an hour, shouldn't have and my back was niggly this morning but gee it felt good to see some of those weeds gone!

Takecare my friends
Trace

Written by Tracy, 19. Apr 2006 01:17 AM

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