empty
A page in the diary "Tazzy's Diary"
Written by Tazzy17 20. Sep 2007 01:44 PM
well i feel a bit empty lately... 2 days and i still havnt had a shower or changed my clothes - just keep waking up and doing nothing, then going to bed in the same state i was when i woke up...
i feel bad for my fiance don. he is doing work for the dole and he wants me to come with him... but i just cant... on wednesdays they have a bbq lunch and i cant even manage that. he really wanted me to come with him today but i just pretended to be asleep because i cant face the world at the moment.
cant sleep properly again... tossed and turned all last night - was afraid of waking don up because he moves every time i do.
i feel so lonely at the moment. i have no one to call or just talk to...
i dont know what to do... i feel like i need to see more doctors about it, but i live in a tiny country town now and i dont even know if they have anyone here that could help me at all. i cant travel into the next town because we cant afford the petrol, and i dont want dons life to be ruled by my appointments again. it used to be like that.
ive been reading a lot of other peoples diary entries today. i wish i had something to say... but i dont know where to start...
i cant even watch a movie because my lack of interest in anything is astounding... cant even concentrate on a book... i sorta started the harry potter series again... maybe next pay ill be able to treat myself to the final book...
i dont want to be on medication again, but i put myself back on the pill - putting baby plans off for a while because its just not working...
im not eating properly either... just grabbing whatever i can when i can... no set times, and the food isnt great... been munching on some of dons biscuits today. thats all ive had... so much for trying to exercise and lose weight. i walked with my friend 3 times, once with don and once by myself... i cant believe that 2 weeks ago i left the house on my own... and now i cant even walk out my front door again.
these feelings tend to come in stages i think... because every now and then i feel relatively normal, i can convince myself that im getting better, but then this happens and i realise that im not really better - im just better at hiding it and covering it up.
on the up-side, i still havnt self harmed in well over a year now. i have wanted to pretty badly sometimes - but i dont luckyly.
i dont know what else to write... i wish i could write forever because it almost feels like im talking to somebody. i dont feel quite so alone.
i think ill go have a shower and get dressed... don will be surprised when he gets home... ill actually look alive.
anyway, hope everyone else feels better soon.
tazzy