life in general
A page in the diary "Tazzy's Diary"
Written by Tazzy17 23. Jun 2006 11:55 PM
im trying to stay positive. my fiance is working so hard thats its affecting his health, im getting worried about him. really really worried because he's the type that refuses to see a doctor or do anything about his health... despite his workload, we seem to have no money at all. but i guess most people are in that situation.
ive been selling off some of my belongings just to get enough gas for the car so that don can get to work of a night, also to afford food for his kids wen we have them every now and then for dinner.
ive been having mixed feelings about alot of things recently, particularly the contraceptive implant i had put in. i told don that i relly really do want a child with him and dont want to have to wait, i understand that i do have to wait, but my feeings are just so strong, i get very emotional about it.
i cant tell if my mood swings are because of my medication or the implant, or if they are just normal. donald seems to pick up on my anxiety even if im not feeling it. i think its just become such a normal thing in my life that i dont even notice it anymore, and i hate that. i want it to be better than it is.
i think one of my friends is backing away from me - she likes to go out to parties and clubs to pick up guys and get blind drunk, then go back to their place to "you know". i dont feel safe with her, and just last week i had my drink spiked anyway, so now im back to avoiding going out at all, just because i see the outside world as dangerous again, i thought i was getting over that!!!
im still not really getting any therapy, my case manager is trying i think, at least thats what she's been telling me. i have no idea anymore.
i just want to feel a little better, i want donald to stop working so much and relax more - start looking after himself better, i just want to help him so much, but i cant when he refuses to let me. i know he thinks he's doing the right ting for us, but he's doing more than enough - he's doing too much and i think he needs to slow down... i wish he would, i really do. no one would thing any less of him if he stopped one of his jobs just to have a little extra time for himself.
anyway, i better get going.
seeya
tazzy