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Hi tazzy
Life seems to be full of ups and downs for you lately.
I am the mother of a 23 year old girl and even though she doesn't suffer from depression, she still has some upsetting times especially where guys are concerned. Her first boyfriend she was with for four years and lived with him for a year. When he started to abuse alcohol and wasn't there for her, she realized that even though she still loved him, that it would never work. As hard as it was, she told him to leave and had mixed feelings for a long time afterwards.She is sure she made the right decision as he went on to abuse drugs and never has a steady job.
She always came to me for advice and I tried to simply outline the different options she had and then ask her what her inner wisdom was telling her. In the end she was always happy for sharing the talk and made her own decisions.
In your case, you have a lot of problems of your own to sort out while the meds settle in and maybe your Mum is just concerned that you are making decisions while you are not completely well. Perhaps it is just something you need to talk about with a counsellor to access your own inner wisdom, before you end up in a relationship that can change quite rapidly once you move in together.I hope it all works outfor the best.
Love and healing light for you, luv Sue:)

Written by dontworrybehappy, 12. Nov 2005 05:25 PM

Hey Tazzy,

It sounds like you are so strong in your relationship with don - I hope that through thick and thin you are able to iron out the wrinkles. Perhaps you need to make it a little more clear to him what you expect - it's so important that he knows, and that you know too.

Sorry to hear the anxiety is back - hope that the meds work their wonders.


Good luck with the house hunting - you must be so excited!

I hope the confusion clears soon....

Take care,
kcdbooks

Written by kcdbooks, 12. Nov 2005 08:14 PM

Hi Tazzy,

Honesty is underrated in current society. But you're right about how simple in theory it is to ask for it, and to give it.

I personally hate hypocrisy as worse than dishonesty, even if it is a form of the same thing. Nevertheless, I have known myself to go down that path for various reasons - fear being one. Still, if you don't receive honesty in a relationship, then it can be very hard to maintain trust.

Thankfully, I have never known my hubby to be dishonest with me. But he has broken my trust on a few occasions, generally unwittingly. Being able to talk about it because he was honest about his actions, and I was honest about my feelings helped. But rebuilding trust takes time - often quite extended.

We each were responsible for at least one perceived indiscrepancy prior to our marriage. Having survived those, we feel we have become stronger in our relationship. Hubby always "quotes" paraphrased versions of 1 Corinthians 13 at me when we talk about these things or, when depressed, about how unworthy I am of his love- basically it defines unconditional love.

As for your Mum, talk to her about her concerns. Perhaps you can reassure her, perhaps she can make you aware of some issues she has faced that you haven't yet considered. My hubby and I were very much aware that despite my parents love of him, they were VERY concerned about us getting married. But their concerns were taken on board as discussion points in thinking about our future, and 12 years later, we can laugh at them and say that all their concerns have been proven wrong. (He was my first b/f, too).

I hope that in years to come you will be able to look back at these times with your mother in the same way. I wish you all the best in ensuring the honesty of your relationship with Don, especially in your future lives together. You can work out most things with faith, love, forgiveness and honesty. But it doesn't mean that they don't hurt you.

It's great that Don is going to appointments with you. It will give him a greater insight into your illness and struggles.

And at the risk of making my reply longer, I'm sorry I can't be more succint!

Written by wotcrazyness, 12. Nov 2005 10:07 PM