so much going on
A page in the diary "Tazzy's Diary"
Written by Tazzy17 4. Oct 2005 01:24 PM
i have so much on my mind at the moment! i feel so overwhelmed... yesterday my boyfriend and his mate went out of town to look at a car... i tagged along and got them to drop me off at my grandmothers place for a couple of hours! i hadnt seen her in many many months...
i told her everything... my depression... the panic attacks. and i mentioned the b/f. but i told her hes just a very very good friend. she doesnt care about the age diff of the fact that he has kids already - i think shes just glad to see me happy!
the b/f is looking at places around town to move into - i will be going with him... i just havnt told my parent yet - i dont think they will be to happy at all!!! and i still havnt been back to work... its been over a month now! i dont know what to do! i have cancelled 2 appointments with my case manager... ive just been so... pre-occupied.
i still have to learn to drive. everytime the oppourtunity comes up - everyones busy... my dad has been on my back about it. but even he refuses to take me most of the time. its not my fault. its not for a lack of trying thats for sure!!!
in still tired most of the time. the b/f's flatmate has found out that we are a couple now - and refuses to have me in the house! but i cant help how he thinks... not my problem... ive tried my best!
um... my oldest brother is having his 30th birthday party this weekend. as we arent speaking i guess ill be staying home by myself again... i miss my little neice... ive missed out on the first 5 months of her life. and i think ill be missing out on much more. this is all because my mother spoke to him whilst i was in hospital... he didnt even come to see me... he wanted to punch my lights out apparently... doesnt even care to hear my side of the story... but whats new... i just wish i had one family member to confide into - the family is just torn apart now and i cant do anything about it!
i cant wait to get out of home... i will never be moving back in here - i dont care if i end up with nothing... no money... i cant live here anymore.
its like... life is at a standstill... its going no-where... im not living here - im barely surviving. i just feel so numb while im here!!! i try to get out as much as possible... but sometimes i just cant - because the b/f workes - he has his kids to worry bout... i cant go to his place cos of the flatmate... so i dont know what to do - arghhhh!!
well i guess i cant count myself as baing very very lucky to have my boyfriend!!! he is my light - my guide... my one and only friend in all this and if it werent for him i wouldnt be here... i remember what it was like before he came into my life - i had nothing!!! now i have something to live for - so i just have to think positivly!!! i will be fine - i know it!
well i better go now.
seeya
tazzy
xoxoxo